wk 14 picks

The last week, no shot at winning, but still I am on a bit of a hot streak with my picks, so maybe that can continue and lead to more success next year? Or I will suck again…

10 – Wisc, no way sparty is going to get another hail mary finish and Wisc is going to be what most thought they would be at the beginning of the season, best of the bad big ten.

9 – Va tech, f-ing Clemson cost me a perfect week last week, dicks!! Hope goiter ball crushes those cowards in orange jail suits.

8 – LSU, a lot of people think hot uga can pull upset and it won’t matter cause bama v lsu 2 is a lock and they might be right about the rematch, but I think lsu def is crazy sick and will beat uga pretty solidly.

7 – k st, which iowa st team will show up? Which k st team will show up? Hard to say, will go with the home team.

6 – ok st, they will need to try and win by 4-5 tds to impress the voters enough to hop over the tide and I don’t think they will, but I do think they will win.

5 – Hawaii, ?????????????????????????????????????? (last one of the season Steve, enjoy!!)

4 – wv, would have wv higher if at home, but on road had to move down a bit

3 – texas, ok one more ????????????????????????

2 – n ill, for the right to play in the little caesers pizza bowl in Detroit, possibly against the bucks. Woohoo!!

1 – fr st,  my break down doesn’t matter, its all about the insults so….

Drum roll please…

A wish of luck to my opponents:

May I be the tree and you be Sonny

May I be the juice and you be the waiter

May I be the Davenport and you be the laundry basket

May I be laws of anatomy and you be Maghee’s knee

May I be the ugly stick and you be Hillary Swank

May I be a lake and you be a teddy’s date

Seriously though, been another fun year, looking fwd to next year already!!

more useless lists

I hate and love lists of things. I like them because it is interesting to see what others think and I hate them because what others think is often stupid or at least not what I think, which when I'm being snobbish and all full of myself - anything not what I think is stupid!! Come on, if I was full of it, I wouldn't have a blog. Least I'm self aware of my occasional lack of humility!!

Anyway, this link will take you to Rolling Stones Magazines latest 100 greatest list: best guitar players of all time.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/100-greatest-guitarists-20111123/lindsey-buckingham-19691231


Now before I give you some thoughts I should say this should never be a category by itself, there should be technical vs spiritual categories, but there isn't so...

Any guitar player list should start this way, Greatest guitar players not named Jimi Hendrix and start numerically with 1b, so my 1b would be SRV, their number 12 and that's not even close to the biggest injustice on the list!! The biggest injustice on the list is that Mike McCready is NOT even on the list!! Who the F is the editor? Ask anyone (into rock n roll) to start naming Pearl Jam songs with insanely awesome, instantly recognizable guitar riffs, licks, and solo's: when they get to like song 15 and are still talking stop them and realize what a pig fuck decision it was to leave Mike of the list!! Paul Simon is on the list, I love Paul Simon, but does anyone know him for his guitar? S & G doing Bridge of troubled Water would make a British Palace Guard shed a tear, but not for the instrumentals. I could go on and on and on about the injustices on the list, but really their goal is to get people to buy the mag or read the article online and they succeed every time. So check it out and see whom you love that they slighted.

If anyone cares, my top 10

1a - Hendricks
1b - SRV
3 - Mike McCready
4 - Brian May
5 - David Gilmore
6 - George Harrison
7 - Jimmy Page
8 - Santana
9 - Eric Clapton
10 - John Mayer (this will be a shock to some of my friends, and yes his music is too commercial sometimes and I wish he'd get rid of the fluff, but check some live music from him, dude can wail as well as he can be weird and he is weird)

wk 13 picks

In case you didn’t hear, I had best week last week of anyone with a whopping 26 pts (possible 55). How do I feel about that?...

And now for rivalry week picks…

10 – Fl st, how the Florida mighty have fallen. Going with road team at the swamp in a rivalry as my 10 pt game is nuts!! But the gators are bad, so bad that all the Texas fans are relieved Will is not going to be the replacement for Mac.

9 – Bama, and now my 9 pick game is road team in big rivalry game, but with what we have seen this crazy football season it is a weird weird year. And as I said this week (and now that ok st lost) bama has the easiest road to the BCS title game, win and in. LSU, you beat bama, but we need you to win 2 more to get in – good luck.

8 – Team up North, Ok, trying to be reasonable on this so let’s break it down. Their QB, better or at least better now and being put in better positions by coaching staff. Actually that description is good for the entire offense. As for defense, they are playing better than they have in years which is bad news and our def is inconsistent and frankly looks like they know they have to be perfect to have a chance to win and that pressure (and youth) is causing mistakes. The def seems bad and is not great, but they are giving up 19pts a game, a buckeye team giving up 20 pts or less a game should not lose more than 1 game a year!!

Corey Brown, catch the ball or go back to Philly you loser!! You would have got ‘old yellar’d’ if crazy dave had a say…

Anyway, they are home, they are playing better and they ought to be hungry since they have 1 win in 10 years.

The upside – all the pressure is on them, I promise you Hoke wishes we had a better record and had lucked through and won those last 2 games despite playing bad so that we would be falsely over confident and have pressure of playing to get into bigten champ game. Instead, if our coaches have any tress left in them, our team ought to be loose and wild and playing free of pressure – nothing to lose – ready to prove that only 1 game for Buckeye nation truly defines a season as a failure! Is this season a disappointment? Yes!! Do we expect better, way better? For sure!! But is it a failure? Won’t know till about 3:30 or so Saturday!! Go Bucks!!

7 – WV – this game has been one of the crazier rivalries lately, but pretty sure WV is solidly better than Pitt, but we shall see.

Richrod in the Pac 12 – perfect, lots of offense and no defense, a league made for Rich.

6 – Wisc – bucky probably best team in our bad conf, but had some fabulous last second losses that keep them away from perfect where they don’t belong. But after beating Cover up U sat they will be in b10 champ game with a shot at revenge on sparty and a chance at the rose bowl. Hopefully, either they or sparty will do the bigten proud in the Rose bowl, which the conference desperately needs.

5 – Clem - remember back at beginning of the year when it seemed that maybe the ole ball coach had brought some fla era magic to the gamecocks and he might have another special team? Yeah, they barely beat the citadel last week!!

4 – Vatech - will the upset hooves show up or the doormat hooves? Not sure, but think the latter.

3 – Nebraska – hmmm, if the huskers lose or lose bad to Iowa, it will lend some validity to long held B10 belief that if these other schools had to grind through a B10 schedule they would find out how hard it is at the end of the season. Or they just had a bad week in Ann Arbor last week and they will win big, again I see the later.

2 – Texas – never picking A&M again!!

1 – LSU – I think the tigers are the one team that will weather the storm, win it all and once again save the BCS ass, but if they lose, then get ready to hear the Playoff cries from the masses. And much like the ‘smell up Wall Street with b/o’ people it would be pointless cries from powerless people.

So there it is, can I make it 2 weeks in a row? We shall see..

I wish all my competitors white person stamina as my Kenyon ass runs shoeless past you without even sweating in this marathon!! Kiss my New Balances biotches!!!

Breaking news

Confidential source tells ESPN's Joe Schmo that Urban Meyer told Jesus Christ (lord and savior to billions) that he would love to coach at Ohio State and "any help you could lend would be appreciated". Unconfirmed reports say Jesus told Urban "I'll see what I can do, but this tebow thing is a real drain on the resources. I mean I know i'm the son of God, but 4-1 with that throwing motion - takes all my miracles"

wk 12 picks

Some week for kickers, huh? Here is a question for the people that make lawyers seem like mother Teresa – Color Commentators. Why, if saying nothing will offend no one and saying something will certainly piss off somebody, can’t you just keep your fucking mouth shut? I know logically that you stating the obvious had nothing to do with the extra point being blocked, but it didn’t need said because it is obvious and only opens you up to ridicule. If you were quiet I would want to kill the kicker, but since you opened your stupid-overpaid-useless skeet skeet hole – now I want to tell you to go get your fucking shine box!!


Note – that paragraph was AFTER I gave myself time to calm down!!

I believe I am now ahead of 3 people in the picks, that’s right, I rule!!

I wrote down a half thought and can’t remember what context it was in or which game it was for now, so this will be completely without relation or context, but I still think it is a funny enough visual to include in this weeks picks… he would hide as well as me in a anorexia midget awareness where’s Waldo poster, where I’m Waldo… ehh, damn wish I could remember what that related to?

On to the greatness…

10 – ND, easiest pick of the season, BC is bad. I guarantee this pick, if ND losses to BC I might not do college picks next year because I can see no scenario of that team beating ND. And I’m a browns fan, I actually could imagine a scenario where the browns would make the playoffs this year and we see what has happened this season. Laces out Dan!!

9 – Oregon, not sure why I have this so high, but they are at home and that offense is rolling.

8 – St U of NJ, had them winning anyway, but moved it up in points when I heard cincy’s QB is not going to play. Go fighting Gambino’s!!

7 – Okla, no comments on this, but man could the BCS be a bigger mess that ever before in a couple of weeks if teams like okla and Arkansas pull some upsets?

6 – Texas, Mac Brown quietly has best team he has had in a couple years.

5 – S. fla, not to beat a dead horse, but damn we lost to MIAMI!!

4 – UAB, really only winner in this game is people fortunate enough to not have any relation to either of these schools and thus free from having to watch this game. Talk about who cares.

3 – Mich, I just don’t think Nebraska or want Nebraska to come in to the bigten their first year and beat us, penn st, and t.u.n.

2 – Osu, hoping that we show up inspired to play and get off to a better start, I’ve seen great buckeye teams and bad buckeye teams, but not sure I’ve seen a team that can go back and forth from really good to really bad like this team? Wow, hopefully Posey will make a Hugh difference in our passing game and help us get two really big wins!!

Want a laugh or cry… mathematical equation for us to make inaugural B10 champ game;

We win last 2 games (hard enough on its own), then Ill beats wisc this weekend (is your head on fire yet?) and then penn st loses to wisc next week (will definitely happen, so really the first two parts of the equation are the impossible factors). To be positive for a second, Illinois does have talent to beat wisc and is at home; now if we could kidnap the Zooker so he can’t miss manage every aspect of sideline game management…

1 – Fresno st, I’m going against my rule of road teams at Hawaii, but those Fresno guys probably are around attractive/morally loose women every day, so maybe they will be able to just concentrate on football, maybe?

So there you have it and though I didn’t kick ass last week, I did do ok and moved up in the standings, so….

Bad luck to all of you, may I be the insurgent with a dull knife and you be Kaddafi!!

Fuck ESPN

Fuck off espn, fuck off coach K, fuck them all, I declare jihad on ESPN, fucking dicks!!

Davenporting (the next lame internet fad)

I came up with this idea while watching football a couple of Sunday's ago and basically I think its hilarious and I wanted to do it solely to make some of my friends laugh. Specifically a few friends who I always joke about one athlete and 'growlers'.

A little history....

There was/is a Internet fad called planking...

... basically lay across something like a board/plank and take a photo and you have planked. Pulled this off the millions on the Internet.

Then someone, presumably an annoying Gator fan (or possibly Bronco fan) started 'tebowing', or posing places in the post TD pose Tebow does to say thanks to God for investing time in something as important as helping Timmy get another touchdown, ehh, anyway it caught on and you can find examples of that all over the Internet as well...

... possibly this guy needs God to make his train come in on time?

So all this led me to a thought, how could I start a lame Internet fad? Make my buddies laugh? And pay homage to one of the creepiest bad athlete stories of my lifetime?

Davenporting!!

Najeh Davenport is a former University of Miami football player and multiple NFL teams player who while in college was so obsessed with a girl (maybe an ex girlfriend?) that he hid in her dorm room closet and waited for her to come home. But, she took longer than he must have thought (or he didn't plan ahead) and he had business to conduct. We've all been there, got to go bad, in the middle of something you just can't stop - what to do? what to do? Najeh, said this closet has a close basket in it, I'll drop my 'growler' here and keep waiting!! And my friends and I have enjoyed much 'growler' humor ever since!!

So, hope you enjoy and maybe this will catch on and make its way to Internet fame. Who knows maybe one day 'Davenporting' will be on Tosh.O, one can only dream...

... so go forth my Davenporting for all to enjoy...

For election day

I miss how I felt at 18 where I had convinced myself of a clear view of the world. Now I have a clear view, but it is much much sadder and I don't feel it can change nor that it ever could. I don't know if the middle class is a myth, but people able to think on issues and have balanced beliefs seems to be fading towards mythical. Anyway, here are some of my favorite quotes from a really funny book I read earlier this year - in honor of "well I guess i'll vote for that guy?" day. (fyi, this guy still claims to be a conservative republican, so though these quotes are funny be warned not all his ideas are great or leaning on free thought, but he is better than most or at least understands the concept of picking which battles are worth fighting.)

Don’t Vote: It just encourages the bastards. 

P.J. O'Rourke

“I was brought up in Republican circumstances, firmly grounded in convention. I was swept out to Marxist sea by a flood of sex. I was trying to impress cute beatnik girls. Then, one day, I found myself beached on the shore of jobs and responsibilities and I was a Republican again.”

“We didn’t kill liberalism because that would have meant killing power. And we wanted the power for ourselves. Nor did we offer therapy to the public for its crippling liberalism. Successful treatment would have meant a public cured of its dependence on government. Which was now us.”

“Take just one example of our unconserved tendency to poke our noses into other peoples business: abortion. Democracy, be it howsoever conservative, is a manifestation of the will of the people. We may argue with the people as a man may argue with his wife, but in the end we submit to the fact of being married”

“If the citizenry insists that abortions remain legal – and, in a passive and conflicted way, the citizenry seems to be doing so – then give the issue a rest.”

“The law cannot be made identical with morality. Scan the list of the Ten Commandments and see how many could be enforced even by Rudy Giuliani. ‘Honor thy father and thy mother.’ My daughter Muffin would get the chair.”

“Anyway, a low tax rate is not – never mind the rhetoric of every conservative politician – a fundamental principle of conservatism. The principle is fiscal responsibility.”

wk 11 picks (the week of 11/11/11 I might add, scary)

I went 8 for 10 and had 50 out of 55 points!! Woohoo!! Ok, I did stay in last, but I’ve heard you have to ‘accentuate’ the positive? Speaking of positive, the bucks did win even if it was far from pretty and we pass as effectively as Saddams Scuds in the first Gulf war. Here is a question, well first the bigten is bad and aside from the buckeyes the bigten has been bad for years, but if two bigten teams played a game of the century hyped game and the final score was 9-6 in overtime with tons of missed scoring opportunities and turnovers would the national media reaction be about the amazingly awesome display of defense? Or the poor offense and execution, just a question and some food for thought; ironically I think bama is set up the best to make the national championship game. They most likely won’t have to play in the SEC title game, where LSU will and the tigers still play Arkansas, Ok st still plays Oklahoma, Stanford and Oregon play this week and clearly the BCS computers hate Boise st as much as a person with a migraine would hate being in a stuck elevator with Lee Corzo and Dick Vitale. Hmmm, not sure if I like that analogy, but it is the best I have on a Monday.

Now lets see if I can have another good week, I made up 5 points on the lead last week, at this pace I’ll be back in it bye 2014!

10 – Boise St, no way they are losing during the regular season and apparently it don’t matter to the BCS and it shouldn’t! Join a real conference and then call us, Oh and the big east might not count by the time you get there!!

9 – So Cal, Jim bolman could device a scheme to drop 50 on the huskies D, ok that might be impossible, but you get my point.

8 – Stanford, what say you, am I crazy – duh been established – anyway I just think the Cardinal team is Lucky! That’s right I win the worst pun of the year trophy biotches it’s all mine!! My humor is that of a 3rd grader on his 2nd try with a mouth full of paste.

7 – Uga, I tried to warn the uga fans, Mark Cooperheimer has struck again and is probably going to get you to the SEC championship game and maybe a BCS bowl game and you know what it all means… you under achieved again and will never get over and win it all. We here in Ohio call it the 90’s, when we can actually speak about it without crying.

6 – sparty, now this is insane for sure because Iowa may have turned corner and started playing like herby said they would at beginning of the year, but I don’t know just a gut feeling on this one and clearly my gut has been doing sooooo well for me this season?!

5 – Ga tech, fucking ACC games….????????????????????????????????????????

4 – Nebraska, penn st defense is good, but offense is bad and I think wrinkles of option offense will make the difference in a low scoring game. Side note, who knew penn st, was a catholic university? Too Soon? Ok, I apologize that was in poor taste, but I kind of like jokes that are in poor taste. Ehh, only 2 ways to deal with the horrible things in this world, humor or rampant drug/alcohol abuse and I’m too cheap to be an addict.

3 – Kent st – why? Why? WE SCORED 42 POINTS ON AKRON!!!

2 – Utah, going with home team in a toss up game.

1 – Bucks, what doesn’t make me worry about this team, still like the steps we are making and love the running game and purdon’t has 10th worse run defense in the league, but damn it’s on the road, still no passing game, and purdon’t is schizoid. We could blow them out or we could lose ugly, just not sure. We need to just keep getting better and finding ways to win and hope Posey is missing component to our pass game that we definitely will need the last 2 weeks of November.

Well there it is, more pearls of wisdom? Last week I was rude and nasty at end of this and had my best week of the season so…..

Kiss my Taint ya’ll!! Go me, David Callender is the greatest (3rd person reference!!)

Those that know my tendency towards superstition better hope I have horrible week of picks, because if this nasty thing works 2 weeks in a row, I’m fixin to get Lohan/Sheen child of Satan dirty!!

A rivalry

Watched some of the steelers/ravens game last night. Not all because it is too painful to watch that rivalry and know that is what the browns/steelers rivalry is supposed to be and used to be. I guess, considering the ravens are the old browns, it still is the rivalry it was, but that only makes the pain worse. Houston got a team back since the oilers left and we played them minus their star wr and they still beat us down! Damn the nfl, I will watch and cheer and gamble on the nfl, but it will always be lacking until the browns are competitive which hasn't been so in 17-18 years. On a positive note when the steelers lose it always feels good, even if it is to the ravens.

wk 10 picks

Before I get to the picks a few thoughts… Great win for the buckeyes, let’s hope it is another step towards being a really good team, clearly run game is good, defense is good, and qb is getting better everyday and he needs to keep getting better. Also, defense needs to sure up how to play with a lead. Another great Nov can lead to a shot at another B10 championship.

If you saw any of the Toledo vs. N Ill game last night you got a score fest!! I’m going to give a former buckeye (tol head coach Boeckman) a little tough love. If you are up 3 in a 60 point ball game where almost no defense has been played and the other team has the ball first and goal at the 5 with 2 min to play in game?... They are going to score, don’t fool yourself into believing in some miracle goal line stand. Also, you have all 3 of your timeouts and your offense has been as unstoppable as theirs, so when they run the ball and you stop them… CALL AN F-ING TIMEOUT YOU DUMBASS!!! N. Ill scored to take a 65-62 lead with 19 secs to go and after the kickoff Toledo got the ball on the 25 with 15 seconds to play. Here is the kicker - they moved the ball 35 yds before the clock ran out!! If he had called 1 of his 3 timeouts on defense they would easily have had time to get in field goal range and probably would have had time for a td!! College coaches must know that time outs do not need hoarded for offense because clock stops with a first down. Worse time management I’ve seen in a long long time. Then again what do I know, I can’t even pick at a 50% clip for the season?

On to my picks… and I am feeling very confident in my picks this week, which means I might get 5 or 6 right!!

10 – Oregon, if I win the lottery I’m going to donate 10 million dollars to Oregon football on one condition. They let me make one of those giant picture board signal calling things they use on the sideline and they use it every game for 5 years. On my board will be the following pictures; one of Mark May, one of Summers Eve, one of a bag, and one will be blank in honor of the big games pitt football has won in the last 30 yrs!!

9 – ND, man the golden domers are kind of good – again – when they don’t turn the football over. Only way this game is even close is if ‘fg messiah’ turns it over a bunch.

8 – Texas, tejas is kind of good again. If this was at tech or if tech had showed any stones last week then maybe would have this lower or even the other way.

7 – Ok st, could the cowboys be the team to sneak into that who plays the lsu/bama winner spot? Looks that way, knew they had great offense, but can’t believe their defense shutdown Baylor – impressive.

6 – Virginia, They should slaughter Maryland, but it is the ACC so who knows?

5 – Fl st, ok not feeling so confident again, really I’m picking fl st on the road? But BC is bad bad… have I mentioned I hate picking ACC games? To be fair I’m bad at all the games, but the ACC seems to confound me more than others.

4 – Mich, big win for team up north last week, that is the point in the season the last couple of years where they would implode and tank the season, now I think they could lose this week, probably will lose 1 or 2 of their remaining 4 games (hopefully at least the last one!!), but they also look to have the talent to win all 4 of those games. Time will tell I guess.

3 – Baylor, at home off a big embarrassing loss, time to score 70 pts.

2 – Ark, coin flip game going home team.

1 – bama, the 10k dollar question, I’d like to have some insightful breakdown of why, but I don’t do research (aka regurgitate what I hear/read on espn), I go on gut feeling, limited knowledge from watching some college football and mostly on my hatred of one of the teams. In this case, bama is home and I’d rather LSU win because Nick Saban is the poster child for slimy corrupt coaches for hire. Bill Belichick calls Saban to tell him to lighten up on the reports they just have a job to do!! Seriously he has the personality of the wet paint. Anyway, geaux crazy Les!


One last thing… Mark May is a Douche!!