Leave it to the Germans...

The Fourth Reich is coming (u?), pun intended...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/20/german-skin-factory-uses-baby-foreskin_n_1161384.html

The bowl picks

Bowl season is here and through shear force of our spending dollar Buckeye fan has helped a 6-6 football team into a “New Years Day” Bowl! Yes I know the game is Jan 2, but again follow the money and the only thing making more money than college football is pro football and forget this BS about God – Sunday is the NFL’s day!

The Gator bowl got the best match up they could hope for with the local favorite and the big spenders from the north coming down all full of Urban renewal – visions of big plays and great offense dancing in their heads. Lets all hope we are up for the challenge and can win, most especially since that game this past January didn’t count!

Finally (before I get to the point – long as it will be – of this), I think Luke should punch someone Jan 2, really wouldn’t be a true Buckeye gator bowl experience if our head coach didn’t punch some kid and then not be our head coach! Joking, only joking.

Here is the usual disclaimer – do not use these picks for gambling; I am absolutely horrible at this. I’m as bad at it as I am good at taking the easy lazy humor path and/or bad pun. However, I will say I am not doing a poll for the big money league (Ian’s 10 buck poll) because I’m tired of giving my money away, so I would say this is probably (if ever) going to be the year I actually do good. Probably not, ehh, hell once I come from ahead in NFL fantasy football and choke away my giant lead, I’m done with that gambling too.

I’d like to point out that the first 3 games are being played on my bday this year, but I don’t want any Gildan/Famous Potato’s/R+L Carriers gifts!! Congrats to ESPN for not only printing the stupid full sponsor bowl names on my sheet, but also including the sponsor name for the stadiums. Now that I know that Mercedes-Benz Superdome is the home of the Ohio vs. Utah St game, I’m super stoked to go get me a SL500. I was going to hold off till I paid off some student loans or got a house or started a family, but fuck it I do love the superdome and fast cars!!

Ok, here goes nothing…

Don’t be a sheriff in this state bowl - I pick Temple to win. Why? Mr. Cosby bribed me with a pudding pop!!

Seriously the most famous thing from our pathetic state is a Potato so yeah we named our bowl game after it, you don’t like it, get bent bowl – I pick Ohio to win. Could there be a more white bowl game? Ohio and Utah State in Boise, they’d need to play Jesus take the wheel and square dance to be anymore Caucasian!

Not that chocolate of a city anymore bowl – I pick San Diego State to win. They are the better team so won’t go into details, but if you know a city looking to get rid of ten’s of thousands of human economic anchor weights through a overnight relocation initiative and then start rebuilding, with sympathy money, only the good parts of the city and say look how good things are a few years later? Call Nah Olans and start praying for a natural disaster.

Beef ‘O’ Brady’s no way in hell we were taking Penn St and setting up those easy tasteless jokes bowl – I pick Fla int to win. Honestly I got nothing, got to figure 8-4 can beat a 6-6 in the MAC, right?

Shitty Credit/Smelly Flower bowl – I pick TCU to win… to be con’t…

Vegas Baby bowl – I pick Boise St to win…

These 2 bowl games get one thought because it is the same, bend over and bite your lip latech/asu because they feel shafted and they plan on returning the feeling sans lube. Like a romantic comedy it is probably going to hurt, last to long, and no man really wants to watch it.

If I save enough money to go to Hawaii I’m not staying at the Sheraton bowl – I pick S Miss to win. Hey coach shut up, you do not belong in a BCS bowl, Va tech and Clemson don’t either and they would both light your team up. You got over on Houston and Casey Casem or whatever that kids name is, but BCS game? You are either delusional of hilarious, I bet a bottle of Prozac it is the first one!!

The bad bad memories Independence bowl – I pick Missouri to win. Better offense and NC plays in the ACC.

Pizza Pizza bowl – I pick Purdue to win. Let me tell a story, in Dublin city schools a right of passage for 8^th graders is to take a school trip to Wash DC and when I was in 8^th grade there were still only 2 middle schools (sells and davis). Davis went to DC, but the administrators felt over the previous 2 years of middle school, my class of miscreants had proven too malicious to risk a voyage of 6 days and 7 nights to our capital. Instead? A same day trip up to the Henry Ford Museum in lovely lower Michigan, ostensibly to learn about cars, business, and subverting your Nazi loyalties during WW2? Anyway, I felt cheated (and clearly I have got over it) and thought come on we can behave for a great opportunity like DC. As usual it is good I wasn’t left in charge, on the trip home our buses stopped at a truck stop so we could fill up with junk food and such and there was a Little Caesars we were to get food from and get back on the bus. My classmates (serious I was still well behaved then, I had nothing to do with it) blew up every toilet (men’s and women’s – guess they were equal opportunity punks) in the joint with flushed cherry bombs! Ah memories…

Belk bowl – I pick NCST to win. What is Belk? This is my least favorite bowl, nothing funny about Belk.

Military Bowl presented by Tony Stark – I pick my wife’s Rockets to win. This actually should be a pretty good/interesting game.

Education Bowl – I pick Texas to win. They can name it the education bowl, but it will be about the talent on the field and I’ll go with the horns.

The we used to be Champs bowl – I pick Fl st to win. Both these programs took steps in the right direction this year to regain glory, but both have a lot more to do. Fl st defense is really good and ND is turnover prone that should be the difference in this game.

So the Alamo is a gas station now bowl? (Aka F U Valero I’m a 7/11 man bowl!!) – I pick Baylor to win. The Heisman will go to the Baylor QB and they will win their bowl game.

If it is the Armed Forces bowl why is Bell the only contractor that gets credit for all the great weapons of mass destruction we make bowl – I pick the fighting Mormons to drop the bomb! Actually this could be a pretty good game too.

The Gotti bowl – The State U of N. J. will not lose to some corn polk from Iowa in Yankee Stadium!!

The I defaulted on my trailer mortgage and my dog died and my wife took the meth kit when she left hillbilly music city bowl – I pick Miss St to win. Solely on them being SEC team.

Seriously we can’t say it enough try us out we aren’t making shitty cars anymore Hyundai sounds like Honda Sun bowl – I pick Ga tech to win. Who knows with Ga tech, they could score 60 or get beat by 60, have I mentioned I hate picking ACC teams.

Nothing says Liberty like car parts AutoZone bowl – I pick Cincinnati to win. I know vandy is an SEC team, but barely right? Ehh, probably will regret the pick, but if the lousy east is ever to beat the SEC this will be the game.

Kraft is still fighting Hunger (diabetes and obesity not so much) bowl – I pick Illinois to win. Should be interesting game with two lame duck coaches and I have no idea why I picked the fighting Zookers.

Chick-fil-A good luck getting a sandwich on Sunday bowl – I pick Auburn to destroy the hooves (sorry slackman). I will say I want this game to go into octoptel-overtime and the wee hours of Sunday morning so that mighty Chick-fil-A people are sponsoring something taking place on ‘Gods Day’. Seriously already, get some Jews or Atheist to work on Sunday and open 7 days a week like the rest of the gluttoness corporate feed hog fast food whore companies. I don’t even really like their food all that much just annoyed they draw the sin line at open on Sunday but not on profiting from extreme gluttony. I’m obese, but not a hypocrite!

Ticket City from picking Cotton to scalping tickets how far we’ve come bowl – I pick Penn St to win. If dude can’t pass on S. Miss I think he might struggle a bit against Penn St. and they score just enough to win.

Outback cause your second place biotch bowl – I pick Georgia to win. This could be a really good game also or could be really lopsided, either way should be interesting.

Capital One ‘do the residents of either of these states have credit cards’ bowl – I pick South Carolina to win. That passing delivery of Nebraska’s QB ought be real successful against an SEC defense no? That’s what I thought.

Memoryslayer.com Gator bowl – I pick Ohio St to win. One of these fan bases is going to have a long off season and one is going to have an off season filled with hope and a step in the right direction. Hopefully Buckeye nation is filled with the hope, a win coupled with Urban and hopefully a few recruits will have our fan base with soaking wet panties!!  Watch for this: things go right – Urban’s helping hand was the difference. Things go wrong – must be the old staff, Urban will get that corrected when he gets his hand on these guys in the spring. Must be odd for a mere human to get the flip floppy opinion of the majority that is usually reserved for deity’s? He better enjoy it because we all know that is a short honeymoon in buckeye football land.

The Rose Bowl presented by Wal-Mart’s TV division does anyone else want to cry because the rose bowl is sponsored by the class and honor that is Wal-Mart bowl – I pick Oregon to win. I just changed my mind again as I typed this, I can see bucky badger with a month to prepare doing what every other team has done to the ducks with time to prepare and in a big game. I also can see bucky badger getting absolutely throttled by the ducks because lets face it – their defense gave up lots of points in the big ten with offensive juggernaut’s like osu and sparty. Who knows, guess ultimately going with Oregon because they got to win one that counts eventually?

Hard to complain about going to Glendale unless you feel you got gipped out of a shot at the national champ game make that a Fiesta Tostitos bowl – I pick Ok st to win. I think ok st will find a way to focus and get motivated to show everyone that offense. Also, if they win big big and bama beats lsu in a low scoring repeat affair the AP could easily vote the cowboys Nat champs giving them a wolverine championship! They could hang a “.5 Nat Champ” banner!!

Allstate damn right that’s a sweet matchup Sugar bowl – I pick Mich to win.  I guess when the ball starts bouncing in your direction it can pick up speed quickly. Va tech? Really? Wow, my prediction, denard has 500+ yds of offense and 5+ td’s and at least 10 tv cuts to the worst most gay celebration in sports right now! I got something that you can eat! I hope I’m wrong on this one, I want team up north to come back down to earth a little and was hoping they’d get a real match up. We shall see.

Discover something anything else to do but watch this game bowl – I pick Clemson to win and television ratings to lose! I would like to see the eyes of all the Cubans in little Havana when that hillbilly migration starts from WV and SC!!

AT&T we want to be a big boy but they won’t let us in Cotton bowl – I pick Arkansas to win.  I have a feeling this will be a blowout, but who knows this is the type of upset soft butter only Snyder will pull out of no where.

BBVA if I had a compass I’d find a way to leave (not go to) Birmingham bowl – I pick Pitt to win. If they want filler games for the week before the national champ game, why not some better games? What a bore fest. Just remember we can’t have a playoff it would take up too much of the kid’s time or something?

Who’s that horse face ugly ass chick next to Danica in the commercials bowl – I pick N. Ill to win. Lots of points in this game and more lucky kids who get to spend time in Alabama.

The one nobody really wanted to see but it happened so now we have to care bowl – I pick bama to win. I’m just assuming bama won’t fail to capitalize on opportunities again. Plus, no joyless souls quite like Saban in coaching today, he will look like he was on a 10 week Bukowski bender by game day.

So that’s it, another year of college football, maybe my picks will be good now that I have no $ riding on it? Or they won’t because I just suck monkey nuts at prognostication.

Go Bucks!! 

What cars really need

A smart company would make a car with a camera in the back of the rear view mirror, so we could snap pictures of the great shit we see and not miss the opportunity because our phone was in our pocket.

Doing my bank run today and saw a 98 or 99 Pontiac Sunfire, dark green (maybr forest or olive, not sure, i'm not Vern fucking Yip you know!!), in mint-rusted out pontiac condition. It had tinted windows, but I could tell it had one of those flags hanging from whatever latino country being represented. I know, I know - whats the big deal we have all seen lots of old beater cars pimped out by the "i have three jobs and your lazy ass cant get one" demo of America? Why I desperatly wanted a picture and have failed you all (i should be cained) is this car had, in white covering the entire hood, the transformers logo! Absolutely priceless!! If I see it again I will get a picture if I have to follow the guy all day!

Anyway, come on auto makers, give me what I want. It's a tough world and some days these funny things are what gets me through!