For me to win it all

In odd odd way, for me to win it all, I need to go 5-5 this weekend. I need Stanford, Boise St, Ok St, Rutgers, and N. Illinois to win and Oklahoma, Nebraska, Cincinnati, Tulsa and Alabama to lose and I take the crown. Thats all, easy right!!

Final Weeks picks 2012 college football

Well here it is the last week of our 2012 college football picks season and I sit on the precipice of Glory! (No I’m not trying to be an ass that used big words, I just didn’t want to say edge and sound like lady fucking gaga or whatever her name is) It will be difficult to get first or second, but I’m tied (and very much alive) for third which puts me on the podium by F1 scoring! My dilemma is rather to go with normal/safer picks and try to get third based on sound reasoning (and luck) I’ve used all season or to powerball up for the 500 million jackpot and go crazy picks that most certainly will be at odds with the leaders and hope for a crazy lucky weekend. I’ve been torn and finally I’ve decided to go with teams I would have anyway but to move around the points values to hopefully make that big move. We shall see…

Before my last picks – 12-0 and a win over the winged helmets, great season (all seasons with a win in THE game are great) Go Bucks!! Can’t wait till next year.

As for the Browns, yes beating the Steelers is awesome, but it isn’t so great a feeling to know it was second time in 19 games and they were playing their third string QB and turned over the ball 8 times!! 8 times!! AND WE WON BY 6 POINTS!!!! Shit does anyone know where the Super bowl is being played next year so I can make reservations?! Fucking Hell!! We are really making progress, now if we can only get through the off season without our rookie QB dying of Old Age!!

If I do win the money, can I get it before 12/21/12 because after all 3 ohio teams won last weekend I’m really starting to fear this Mayan calendar bs!

Ok, down to business…

10 pts – Stan wins, if you watched the game last weekend at UCLA and then see this one is in Palo Alto, well sorry Bruins but maybe beating the condoms and going to the Rose Bowl in one season is too much to ask this year.

9 pts – Boise St wins, um no undefeated season for Nevada to ruin this year so figure blue turf gets it done.

8 pts – Ok wins, I’d probably be in the lead still if not for some ill timed Ok picks this year, so I’ll jump on that bomb one more time and hope for a faulty trigger.

7 pts – Ok St wins, this is one of those point value changes because this should be a 1 or 2 point game with these two teams playing, but I’m banking on one of the leaders going Baylor at home and hoping the fighting Barry Sanders can bring it home for me.

6 pts – St U of NJ wins, Big 14 bound Rutgers at home vs L’ville, no brainer right? I hope so…

5 pts – Neb wins, trying to beat them twice in one year didn’t work out for sparty last year, but since according to the coaches vote Nebraska has the BigTen First team QB player in Martinez (fucking joke!) they should be able to keep the BigTen from sending the first ever 5 loss team to the RoseBowl, hopefully!!

Final score for tiebreaker - 41-28

Another side note from paper this morning in Columbus, Really BigTen awards – the last Ohio State coach to win BigTen coach of the year was Earl Bruce in 1979? Unbelievable! Congrats to Coach Obrien on an impressive 8-4 campaign, but maybe what’s wrong with the BigTen as a conference is we give award for over coming a bad situation to have a good season (where you lost to likes of ACC power Virginia) and not to a PERFECT season! In fact that means in last 10 years the buckeyes have had 3 Perfect Regular Seasons (2002/2006/2012) and not 1 coach of the year?! Fucking Joke!! I’m sorry but maybe the Buckeyes should leave the little 13 to their own thing and go either solo domer style or join the SEC and let Urban do his thing!!

4 pts – N. Ill wins, Kent St is trendy pick for lots of people, but look at N. Ill season and compare and I’m sorry they are the better team. Kudos to form buckeye coach bringing Kent State to relevance, but not sure Kent St can get it done. If they do, I bet it’s a riot at home!! (Too soon?)

3 pts – Cincy wins, this ones for Gary who has been so burnt by the bearcats this season and I assume will not pick them this week which in turn means they must win, right?!

2 pts – Tulsa wins, we struggle with UCF this year right? Man does that seem like a long time ago!!

1 pt – Bama wins, I thought about going Uga, but the only game bama has lost was to what might be the first freshman Heisman winner ever. Making it my 1 pt hoping again that people pick bama high and they lose or people bye into Mark’s boys and they lose. Also, any of you domer fans out there might want to root for UGA, because who you want to have a month to prepare for your team, Mark or Nick? That’s what I thought.

Win or lose, it has been another fun year, hope someone enjoyed reading these psychotic ramblings as much as I enjoy writing them – It’s really like free therapy for the voices in my head!

See ya for bowl season!

Week 13 College football picks

I’m fading further and further from the top and I need a big couple of weeks to close the season and have any shot at winning this or even just finishing in the money. We shall see, I fear my superstitions are creeping back into my picks and I’m going to work very hard this week to just go with my brain and not my heart.

So my beloved Buckeyes are 11-0 and the most important game of every year away from 12-0. I will get to that pick later, but a note to anyone that thinks this year would be a waste of going undefeated and means nothing because of the bowl game – you are nuts!! The only thing that matters is this week, the other stuff is fun, but this should be your focus, this is what pains me, this is where my joy is, this is football!! Period!! And those people up north are pillaging again and have a butterball that understands that his school is really just OSU jr. and is nothing with out our kids and he is being more successful at pillaging than he should be or more correctly than we should allow!! Now hopefully we have a coach again ready to protect and defend our honor, but Saturday is time to finish that stand and start to push back and go on the offensive – pushing Kim Jong Maize back across the 48^th parallel to live in poverty and dismay!! Go Bucks!!!!

Wk 13 games…

10 pts – ND wins, and then look out Miami – the domers are coming the domers are coming!! Some of my friends and I joke about going to hell in a bus together, but the thought of Nuns on South Beach is making my brain explode with evil jokes and very bad thoughts about rulers and habits!! Ok, for the game, I was thinking this would be the game that USC plays like they were predicted to play and pull the upset, but not without their QB, no way.

9 pts – Neb wins, honestly I might be more nervous watching this game Friday than anything, because if the cornhuskers choke mightily and lose to Iowa Friday, then team up north still has shot at making championship game Saturday and I don’t want them having one more motivational thing.

8 pts – Oreg wins, Considering some would argue Stanford beat ND also and clearly Stanford Defense is way good, then Oreg loss not such an upset and they will get back on track vs Defense that is not as good. Look for them to score 70.

7 pts – Okla wins, whatever, boring rivalry game, ok st is ok, ok wins cause they are at home and better team – who cares. I’m just hoping now that bigten is going to 14 that they get texas and Oklahoma and go 16, if your gonna blow shit up – use the biggest bomb.

6 pts – Wisc wins, This is a little higher than maybe I should have it and is game I think most likely to hurt me this week vs others picks, but I think that Wisconsin offense will run and score big on Penn St and they really need to not go to championship game having lost to both teams on probation and in front of them to have any respect. (if that’s possible for people to have of those cheese eating bums)

5 pts – Bucks win, Yes I’m putting aside my scared, worried, paranoid, cooper worries buckeye fandom and going just on the facts – bucks are at home, healthier and better team. So they should win, but tun is good and even minus their rb, they still have fast little scary spider head running crazy and now not at Qb where he has to throw. Also, even though only 1-0, fatty is still undefeated against us and in my head till we take him down, which we must!! Also, Hyde! Hyde! Hyde! Give him the ball and run baby run!! Go Bucks!!!! (If I only win one game this weekend and it is this one, I’ll be happiest I can be this season or any season)

4 pts – Zona wins, haha I’m picking richrod to win his rivalry game and I actually believe it will happen, that could not have been said from 2008-2010!

3 pts – Clem wins, again don’t care, ole ball coach probably doesn’t care, but proving S. car is like sparty/Wisconsin/iowa – you can win and be popular, but you’ll never be the big dog in conference at those second tier schools.

2 pts – FSU wins, florida is such a waste of a great great defense with a bad bad offense, going with noles because they are at home and that should get them over the top, hopefully.

1 pt – Stan wins, wow UCLA is impressive and this game determines who goes to Pac 12 championship game, who would have guessed that? Who is leading other division, Colorado? Sorry couldn’t resist that joke!!

So there it is, I need a 10-0 week baby!! Go me and Go Bucks!!!!

Darwin and God can both kiss my ass!!

Teething!! My baby is teething (or at least my wife tells me so and she is way smarter than me so I just take her word) and teething is a cry maker king!! All I know is weather you believe in Evolution or Intelligent Design you are crazy! There is nothing evolved or intelligent about teething!!

wk 12 picks

I once heard that condoms are actually 100 percent effective, but the numbers only show 93 percent effective because they can’t prove that all mistakes are caused by moronic college boys to dumb or drunk or both to probably put on Mr. rain coat. With that in mind, I’m going to say my picks are 100 percent right and it’s stupid unpredictable college boys fucking up my hard work!! But who are we kidding? After a case of Natural light, how many college kids think condom? Ok, I’m losing my train of thought, back to the picks. I’m still in the hunt and need a big week to get back on top.

Anybody notice Browns didn’t lose or barely win a meaningless game last week? (ok so they didn’t play, still was a nice peaceful Sunday?

Week 12 picks…

10 pts – Nike whore wins, ok if I lose my 10pt pick two weeks in a row then college football will be staring the very real possibility of Kst vs ND Nat champ game, that’d be exciting!! Go funky uniform number 5 billion go!!

9 pts – Ga Tech wins, no way I’m going to take the points lead this week, these games are stupid hard to predict and I used up all my luck early this season. The spread is way in triple options favor, please Blue Devils – go back to being a basketball school!! Or hell, go back to being an elite prick ho party lacrosse school!!

8 pts – Ok st wins, apparently being head coach at TexTech must make you a real prick or it’s the curse O’ bobby? Or Tommy just wanted to smack somebody around? I picture him saying “where was my Cam at Auburn, where?!!!”

7 pts – Ok wins, Remember when WV was Oregon east? Yeah neither do they!!

6 pts – Those private school homos win, sorry el prez but the Ucla comeback is not that far back yet. Or is it? We shall see…

5 pts – Best party school hands down wins, what’s a year and a half, 15k of borrowed gov’t cash and a very very loose moral compass get you? Well if you go to BGSU – a ton of great (even if fuzzy) memories, some stories you don’t tell your wife and as a new father – a weird fear/hope your son wants to go to BGSU. Seriously, I have friends that actually graduated from there and have great jobs, like 5 of them, granted I wasn’t friends with any of them when I went there, but I’m sure they were those noisy dicks getting up before noon and going to those other buildings with desks and books, what were those called? Why never a class called Sarcasm 403?

4 pts – St U of NJ, I’ve been running commercials all week in NJ saying that Scientist at Cincy were responsible for Sandy!! Bend over bearcats, hear comes Soprano justice!!

3 pts – UNC wins, apparently the new playoff picture only includes auto birth for 5 of the 6 current “BCS conferences”, who got dropped? That’s right the Big East! But don’t think the ACC wasn’t sweating it a little!! And the BigTen better be glad all our fat arses travel like nobody’s business to warm weather bowl games or we’d be getting a smack down too!!

2 pts – Tenn wins, come on Vols!! Seriously if they lose to in state rival too, I see a lynching in someone’s future! Coach Dooley’s legacy is very close to being that hillbilly that told everyone at a press conference that his first order of business was to correct his player’s shower habits!!

1 pt – Bucks win, I have to believe, I want to believe and I should believe. In all honesty though, I had this the other way most of the week, but we are the class of the conference no matter how unimpressive that is and yes I’m nervous and yes I fear the game where we can’t score, but I also no the explosiveness we have and the improvement growing every week! And I say make us proud boys, knock out these next two weeks and prepare us for glory again!! (oh my stomach hurts, ain’t college football grand?) 

My favorite tattoo

Just got this finished yesterday and it is by far my favorite tattoo.

wk 11 college picks

Well, I’m still in the hunt, but headed in the wrong direction. I will work to correct that and get back to the top. Honestly though I don’t feel good about this weeks games at all. We shall see what happens…

Being as I’m busy and tired this week and not inspired towards my usual punditry, I will go with a parent inspired pick sheet this week in honor of all you parents out there, which somehow I am now of the same ilk and if that scares you – imagine how it makes me feel! I actually said this at one point in college – “… well we either need to take him to the campus hospital or give him more beer and hope he gets better…” and now I’m half responsible for a baby’s life and well being!!

Wk 11 picks

10 pts – Bama wins, because I said so!!

9 pts – Lsu wins, oh that’s just crazy uncle Les, he’s nice even if he is batshit crazy!

8 pts – Mich wins, oh so if Lenny jumps off a bridge does that mean you should too?

7 pts – Neb wins, keep the kids away from that crazy old pervert in the neighborhood!!

6 pts – Ok st wins, so he got hit on the head hard, bet we can still get him into West Virginia?

5 pts – K st wins, eat your veggies and I don’t care if they taste bad.

4 pts - Stan wins, don’t even try and tell me the dog ate your homework

3 pts – Mizzu wins, this is the pharmacy section son and those are condoms, buy’em – use’em and have fun!!

2 pts – Nevada wins, nothing is ever truly free.

1 pt – Utah wins, I swear you give me any more lip and I’m sending you to Mormon boarding school!!

Ahh, so many words of wisdom and so little time to pass them on to the next generation.

Timing is everything

If Mitt wins today is tomorrow too early to ask my boss for a raise? I mean all will be ok again - you know "the good ole days" when money grew on trees and everyone had a good paying job - the Bush era?

Is this worth it?

Standing in line with all the 4 yrs people, nice to know come spring there will be no line. All to vote for these two candidates?! What a sorry lot, good thing we only have two parties, thats really working out well.

awnsers to questions you shouldn't ask

On Sunday's I can actually watch some football sometimes while I work because one of my clients likes football and if not at the movie theater will always say yes to watching some football. Sadly it is me that often is like "ya wanna watch something else?". WHY? Because I'm a Browns fan!! Thankfully I don't care about the Browns like I do the Buckeyes or I'd surely be stroked out by now, but I do still care and this pain is doing the impossible, getting worse. One starts thinking it can't get worse or Oh look that's a positive sign - only to have that fucking bitch Lucy pull the ball away right as our collective leg takes one more big pathetic 29 yr old rookie qb swing!!

In yesterday's loss to the burn in hell fighting Model's, it occurred to me I can't remember beating the Ravens and the Steelers in the same season. That couldn't be correct I mean since 1999, that's 12 and a half seasons (and now 13, because we can't do it this year) and not once, when you play them 4 times (5 in the playoff year, yeah not Pluralized the ONE playoff year)!! So, thanks to the Internet I got online and looked it up and we have NEVER beat both those teams in the same season!! UN-real!! If this thing gets turned around, I will probably one; die of disbelief and two change my kids name to Flying J in honor of our new owner! Prove me wrong dude, but um you probably just shit a billion dollars down the drain!! What a great country to be rich in, wish someone would "Tread on Me" the way the rich are, ehh thankfully Ohio has Yueng Lueng now - hello Alcoholism!!