Huh? ‘I only beat her so she knows how much I love her
officer’
I AM AN ATHIEST
That is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, I know
just how much it could/would hurt people I love very much to read. But we all
know the hardest things in life are usually the truest and most important.
I don’t want to be an atheist, I hem haw dance around and
think well maybe I’m agnostic or something else, but that’s all bullshit – push
comes to shove and I don’t ‘belief’ there is an all-powerful all-knowing god
playing king dickhead ruler and schemer in the sky. I mean he gives kids
cancer? He gets Russian nannies to behead fucking 3 yr. olds and walk around
with the head screaming ‘god is great’?
2 children in New York have died from herpes because their parents are Orthodox
Jews and had them circumcised by a Moya – a orthodox Rabbi that performs circumcisions
with his mouth, because that’s how ‘god’ wants it to be?
I won’t say why, why, why me (not a 90’s Olympic skater)
because I know why. We all do, the thought that this is it and maybe we didn’t
or were never given the circumstances to do more is impossible to come to terms
with, that I will never see my grandfather again. That the only truly great accomplishment of
my life – my son - could be taken from me in a moment’s notice or that I could
be taken from him; that I could fail him in the most important way, by not
being around. That haunt’s me any moment of the day I’m unable to fill with
busy work.
There is an amazing silver lining…
The human spirit truly does overcome. Our will to live, love, laugh, share, and be
with our friends. Hell the majority of religious people I know are the types
that make me long to find a spiritual side. Their faith is a thing of beauty
and not used for hate and oppression. They use it to be closer to others and to
give back, help others, make the world a better place. If only the leaders, men
in power of the major religions in the world were this way and not using
religion for what it was invented for and has always and will always be used
for – power and control.
I have a dream where I die and get to the pearly gates and
god is sitting at a poker table smoking a big cigar and holding a pair of 2’s
over junk and laughing and says “well done, you called my bluff”. Being that I
am a non-believer finding myself in death in front of God, I am silenced by confusion and fear. Then god
says, “relax, have a smoke and a beer. Grab a chair, you won” and I stammer, “but
I’m uh, you know all the bad things I’ve said and thought about you?” and god
says “all I care about is people are good, the rest is bs – isn’t that ironic?”
(I can’t help you and neither can she if you don’t get that joke)
I really shouldn’t do my first blog post in month’s when I
have the stomach flu and see a church sign, little too run down to hold in my
true feelings and spare the feelings of other’s.
To anyone fighting something that ‘well that’ll never happen
to me’, my thoughts and well wishes are with you and your doctor’s. If faith
and prayer helps you great, I’m for anything that gives people the will to
fight to live; my thoughts and prayers will be with the scientific and medical
community. In the 10k years of man, it has only been the last 100 to 150 years
that we have been able to change the outcome of how long and with what quality
of life we live. As Lennon would say ‘Imagine’ what can be in the future.
