College Football picks Week 1

Another season of college football is upon us – finally!! Everyone kept saying we wouldn’t have a season, but not me – I knew they would get a financial agreement worked out and make sure those top athletes (and sometimes fathers) would continue to get paid.  Just kidding, sort of… Ok, on to serious business, my picks. By serious I mean seriously bad. You would think someone who grew up playing football and was fairly good, might be able to pick a little better? I don’t expect to win every week or year, but maybe just one week would make me not feel like richrod of college pick’em! I’m good at fantasy nascar and I’ve never driven over 75mph – love you mom J - ok 125, but still I gotta do better this year or I won’t be able to look myself in the mirror!! Ok, I don’t look in the mirror anyway, which is obvious if you saw me heading out the door to work, but ya’ll know what I mean.

Ok, I went back and added this – if your name is not el prez or v.p./aka slackman, just skip this next paragraph. It has nothing to do with my picks and is totally odd rambling thought from some stupid thing I heard today and I am really only trying to make their sick minds chuckle…

One quick side note (those that know me know quick is used loosely) before I finally stop yammering and get to the picks, and it is not really football related or anything related to football, but I did make it into a football analogy. This guy on radio was talking about his kid going off to college and how he had a more serious ‘birds and bee’s’ talk with him, because this guy wants him to be safe when he’s out at the bar trying to ‘hook up’. Frankly the way this guy was talking, if his kid is like pops – the kid is safe!! Anyway, I thought (because I’ve tricked myself into thinking I’m funny) I could help! First, and really this should be obvious, but if its 2am sat morning and some girl says “sure dude I just met, lets role back to your pad and throw down”, probably not her first rodeo – stud!! I mean maybe you are the next John Stamos, but most likely you’re the guy that seems most sober enough to drive or that didn’t completely offend her with a cheesy pickup line – either way, get a poncho cause you are not the first person to sail her boat. Finally, the football analogy… you must tell young dudes to pretend that the girl’s business is Alameda County Stadium (now overstock.com stadium or something)… his business is the visiting team and the diseases are raider fan!! If he doesn’t take protection with him after that analogy – all hope is lost for the young man. Sorry, that seems more vulgar than I thought it would, ehh I’ll add a disclaimer at the beginning…

On to actual football…

10 pt game – Trojans win, if goldie gopher does SC in so cal, nope I’ve thought about it all damn day and still can’t think of what it would be like! Nothing, it actually has made my head hurt, last time I had a headache this bad…..?... First time I saw Jimmy Johnson’s Extenze commercial and pondered that visual image for a half second, then cried for 3 hrs. and tried to drink enough to erase the image from my brain. Clearly it didn’t work, damn commercials!

9 pt game – Golden Domers win, that’s right I’m picking field goal Jesus to finally raise those hands for td’s again on a regular basis. I married in to some Irish peeps and for their sake I’m actually pulling for ‘we wanna play by our selves U’ to stir up those to echoes once more. Lets face it, even if you hate them it is more fun to hate them when they are good enough to hate.

8 pt game – Game-Cocks win, here is one you have heard before… this is the year the ole ball coach reigns again atop the mighty SEC in rasictville – that’s right S Car, get a new flag already, your whole state disgusts me, you and Clemson play the inbred bowl every yr as far as I’m concerned – anyway, well if ole ball coach has them back then they ought be able to crush ecu.

7 pt game – Boise St wins, you know what the true brilliance of Boise St is? They identify paper tigers and shred them to pieces so we buy the hype. Really VaTech and Uga, they look like the top, play near the top, but really aren’t the top. Those 2 schools underachieve like - well like me – my first go around at college! In fairness to VaTech, they are best team in the ACC yr in yr out – which is about as impressive as being the best looking female smurf! [Who you looking at smurfette? ;-)]

6 pt game – Cal wins, I should research this game, but I don’t want to, so I will be foolish and say home team wins by sneaking special brownies into Fr st team dinner night before game.

5 pt game – tcu wins, Baylor had TWO, that’s right I said 2!! Players drafted in the first round of the NFL draft last yr!! As a browns fan I can tell you one of them is actually pretty damn good. Now if Baylor lost that kind of talent? Either they should not be so good this year or Texas A&M should shut up and let Baylor go to the SEC; I mean really Baylor has a history of scandal and weird shyte that fits the SEC perfect.

4 pt game – bruins wins, I picked Houston last yr and was burned and now I heard herbie say the bruins will surprise people this yr and I will probably be burned again, such is the life of a gambler. Ok, Callie is shaking her head at me as I sing the Gambler… I should stop.

3 pt game – ole miss wins, I have a plan to pick (almost always) the SEC with the hopes that it will likely get me a lot of points, but maybe will allow my jinx to hurt the SEC and they will be brought to their knee’s!! Well football wise, rest of the SEC students are already down on their knee’s!!

2 pt game – lsu wins, crazy Les gonna have that defense ready to stop the mighty Nike, ahh I mean Oregon offense? If Oregon can go into that stadium first game of year and drop 40-50 pts like they usually do, then look for the ducks to sail through Pac 12 and maybe win the national champ game this yr – maybe.

1 pt game – n’western wins, that’s right NW going on the road early to an almost Major Conference BC and winning. All with the power of Persa, dude is fun to watch, but this is only 1 pt confidence pick because not sure if he will actually play or not yet and if he doesn’t, they are probably doomed on the road.

So there you have it, week 1 picks are done, hope you enjoyed. In future weeks this will get less ‘Homerian’, not the Simpson, the poet – ehh, who the F am I kidding? If you are still reading this you are not likely to be picking up your copy of the Iliad next…

Good luck to all playing, to all that read this – hope you enjoyed feel free to pray for me, call and have me committed, or send money for therapy (and by therapy I mean Yueng Lueng!!) 

Finally and always Go Bucks!!!!!

what you talkin bout Willis?

Do you think you sleep in heaven? (Ok, in hell for a lot of us) I would say more often than not if I’m extremely tired it is from mental exhaustion and not physical. Well, even if up or down is sitting around on a cloud or a hot lava rock – the mental fatigue will be overwhelming. Society has always been ‘gossipy’ – I can imagine the first cavemen out on a hunt and one guy grunts/motions to the other that he heard the leader of the clan got his cave girl to “kiss it” and the other guy is totally like “shut the front door” (or whatever the colloquialism of the time may have been). Why would the after life be any different? Imagine a permanent afterlife of “The View” with endless knowledge of who is doing what/where/why/how. Scared yet? Yeah, I need a nap just thinking about it or for Ohio Medicaid online helpdesk to pick up the phone so I can get back to work, they are usually strong for at least a half hour hold – yay gov’t employees!! I think I’m fairly ok for a (as eddie would say) child of the 90’s - of not being overly involved in gossip, but the little I do gossip or the TON the people I work with do gossip – wears my arse out!! I see gossip like bigotry… I don’t hate someone on the basis of their race or religion because they will probably give me a justifiable reason to dislike them and I try not to gossip about the stupid shyte they might have done because usually there are plenty examples of the stupid shyte they definitely have done (some of them move in with them).


The oddest part about this is I lean (like almost parallel) towards the thought/belief of a nice long dirt nap or just a cool vase of DaveDust on a mantel for eternity, but if his son did die for my sins-I am one of the chosen tribe-or I meet Allah (just covering all 3 major religions in case I go international with this blog!)…. Will I have to spend eternity with my head aching like Paris Hilton trying to solve X + 3 = 5? Jehovah I hope not!! I’ve heard people say Heaven is what you want it to be, well if that is the case I’d like vocal cords to produce guitar cords and screeching whammy sounds – for eternity every time someone opened their mouth all I would hear would be Little Wing or Ledbetter or Stairway etc etc etc…….. Now that is something to look forward too…

Thanks for the health tip!!

The Ramen noodles package has a picture with fresh veggies mixed in to your delicious lunch. Ummm, if I could afford fresh veggies for lunch would I be eating Ramen noodles? No!! I'm eating them because they are 11 cents!! Oh and they have enough salt to make you forget the blandness of the meal. Oh and the fact that I bought your death food should be a hint i'm not overly concerned with eating veggies or my health.

Mail call

The tixs came in mail today!!

I'm still Alive

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything… hopefully like me ya’ll have been busy enjoying the summer. It has been baby mania for the last few weeks, but we are very close to football mania!! Last week bought tixs for osu v tol game in the Shoe so that my lovely wife can see her alma matta; as we hopefully lead them to slaughter. If any are wondering why I haven’t had proliferous comments on the transition to coach Fickell, frankly I am confident in his abilities and the talent on the team. Really the only question, and it is a HUGH one, is the quarterback – more specifically NOT playing Bauserman. If they don’t bite as a pup, well…. They will never bite. I’m bias obviously, but Woody is the best and he said it the best… “You win with people”. Bauserman has an important role to play on this years team and that is too use his knowledge and experience to help the more talented player get up to speed and be able to win early.




On to the Browns… now I have to type softly, but shhhhhhh (check my right shoulder, check my left shoulder) they might be good or even pretty good, shhhhh. Now we fans of the orange helmet know to be cautious and look for hands on the edge of the rug, but every part of the team is improved. Colt might be better than hoped and if Greg Little improves the wr core from abysmal to not horrible – watch out for the brownies!!



Looking forward to college football pick’em starting in a couple weeks so I can bring you my picks to laugh at and not gamble by; I am going to make an effort to give funny insightful comments to all of our games this year without going the easy cheater joke route. Why? Well, one because it is easy and beneath me and two because the best jokes would be Ohio st ones and that would pain me so.



Another tix grab for me is my tixs to see the Columbus screening of the PJ20 movie by the legendary Cameron Crowe about my favorite band and the greatest live rockers around – Pearl Jam. If you would like to see a trailer go to pearljam.com and take a look it will be epic!! I will not be checking the pj20 festival in Wisconsin Labor Day weekend because I will be in Tenn. visiting friends, but I am super stoked for the movie. The weird part is I read some comments online about the concert/movie and people were talking about all the shows they have been to in the past and looking forward to this and that…. then some dude was talking about how in to going to the show his kids are and it being a destination weekend for the family etc etc etc… Holy Jesus, my favorite band is morphing into some lumberjack shirted, army booted, alt rockin – Deadhead/Parrot head cult group! Am I that old? Yes! But it is not bothering me and hell yeah if my kids first words are “..I can kill cause in God I trust…” or “..take my hand, not my picture…” – I’ll be cool with that. Callie might kill me, but if I had a dollar for everything that she will not want me to teach a child… well I’d have a lot of dollars….all I will demand of a kid is an open mind and a love for music, I don’t trust people who are ho-hum about music. Where is your soul?



Ok, well my first cup of coffee is working finally, so I’ve got to go but ya’ll take it easy and remember 11 days till kickoff!! (to much info on the coffee? Ehh, sorry)

TGFPJ

I'm sane enough to function, but crazy enough to not function well.

Or at least that is how I feel today, they dont make anything to cure this and I dont think they should.

Insanity

Defined as doing something over and over and expecting different results. 

Ex. - See Cleveland Browns Fan

Only thing more depressing than losing another player in camp to injury is that he was a key player on our team and when THE PUNTER is a key player....ehh.... I must be insane.

Go Browns!!!!

Seg 5 picks

Only 1 segment, 6 races till the chase and my driver and team 88 are hanging on about as well as our national economy. Lets hope both pull some magic out their arse and save us....

Really aside from the traffic debacle at Kentucky and last weeks Menardageddon at the brickyard, it has been a great year of racing with multiple first time winners, crazy finishes and lack of one driver wining everything. Lets hope for more and maybe a new champion - finally.

As for my success, it has been up and down, but with my wife in second, my brother-in-law in third and me in fourth - I still have high hopes that (for the 4th yr in a row) the trophy will stay in the family. Of course this will only be if we can run down el presidente, whom is using his respite from commissioner to study and crunch numbers apparently because he has been up on the wheel for most of the season. Nice job, but mind your mirrors sir!!

On to the picks...

Pocono, 24 wins - what can I say, Pocono is a track with a history of yearly sweeps and the 24 is looking like the old boy wonder on the track, so look for him to get the Pocono double this weekend.

WatGlen, 14 wins - well everyone was worried about smoke and his summer hot streak hasn't started yet, but he has been better and as a owner his team is looking up. He is just sick at this course where a bad finish for him is like fifth. Thought about going down under with Marcus Ambrose here cause he is tough on any road course and overall is pretty impressive considering he is running with not top tier equipment, but stuck with the safe pick in smoke, we will see if everyone else does the same.

Mich, 17 wins - Mr. Quiet gets it done in Ford land this aug and as he does just quietly stays in the chase and tries to get a second championship. For a cheesehead wisc, ford guy, he's ok. Well as ok as a wisconsin kid can be in my book, which isn't high.

Bristol, 18 wins - Hate the guy, but he has won 4 of last 5 at bristol which is sick. Hard to believe because bristol just breeds bad luck, hopefully he is due and will get dumped in the wall and finish 43 where he deserves to be, but i'll bet he doesn't. If you can't beat'em - bet on them.

Atlanta, 88 wins - For the love of all holy, you have wins at all 4 of the final tracks of this segment and you are fairly decent at pocono, the road course is your only weakness. Pull together, get a win, finish strong every weak. Here is how next 6 weeks should go for you 1st, 15th, 1st, 1st, 1st, 1st, is that too much to ask? Ok, maybe, but come on, i'll settle for top 10, top 20, and then all top 10's with 1 win in the last 4. We will see...

Richmond, 33 wins - Ivan will probably need a win here to get in the chase unless he really turns it on in the next 5 races. Maybe he should not eat cheerios for breakfast, maybe switch to a high fiber cereal that is "healthier". I like the high fiber cereals, I mean I haven't lost any weight, but a bowl of grape nuts and a cup of coffee everyday and no need for the orange juice on the bowl like when you were a kid!! Hows that for a visual image?!

So there you have it, another segments picks in the books. Go luck to all playing, but most especially (i will miss coach T's most especially comments) to me and team 88!!!!