"The less I seek my source for some definitive the closer I am to fine"

When we ask why are we asking for the truth or a definitive? I think often my problims are from looking for a definitive, believing in a definitive and assuming others are of a certain definitive. I/we could desperately benefit from acceptance of more gray in our lives. Black and White, wrong and right, the definitives falsely comfort our minds, but darken our souls. I'm a major violator - when i'm strong, good, whom I want to be - I am caring, open minded, and striving for new experiences. When i'm scared, angry, weak - whom I hate - I close my mind and heart, often shouting or spewing vulgarity and judgement: A living political add with as little help and purpose. Four years ago you turned off my gravity and helped me let go. There are and always will be heavier days where I/we get bogged down and fall for definitives, but I promise never to let them define me or keep me from exploring, growing - being better - Unreserved. xoxoxo

It's just football....

So I listened to howard like I do every morning and then when it's over I switch to local sports radio to catch up on buckeye news etc etc etc.... Now I had read a blurp in the paper about a kids death at a Notre Dame practice yesterday from a wind gust knocking over a scissor stand. My initial thought was how sad and what a gust of wind! Now I am very aware of the up coming weather, but rarely do I remember yesterday's weather unless it directly affects me, so I had no knowledge of what the weather was like yesterday in South bend. Now for those of you that don't know all major colleges use stands (permanent or portable) to high angle film practice for self evaluation. On the local sports radio show at 1 the host is giving detail after detail on the events of yesterday. First and most important this was no rogue storm or gust, the winds all day were 40 to 60 mph! Notre Dame uses (unlike the permanent ones at osu that tressel wouldn't use yesterday because of the wind) portable ones. These go higher than the goal posts, probably 150 ft in air or so? and reportedly are have safety warnings about using if winds are over 25 mph. Second, the 20 year old jr (working probably for free/experience/love of his school) was terrified and new what they were doing was stupid. He posted to his facebook before practice about not going to have fun at work today because of wind and then again (i'm guessing from platform on his cell phone) about 45 min before his death... this is really scary, 60mph wind gusts, guess i've had a good life.... Wow! Sadly no one (coaches, training staff, facility managers) thought it was dangerous enough they could go without filming practice for the big Tulsa game this Saturday or go inside to (like they did tuesday) practice. Third, they continued to practice after the scissor lift fell and the kid died, now surely the kid was rushed to the hospital and they didn't know, but come on they had to have seen it and thought it was serious/life threatining. They have no plans to postpone the game (which would probably be appropriate) and I realize that's not realisitic, but the moment of silence will feel empty from the people that should have been responsible and prevented the tragedy. If this was OSU and coach tress, I wouldn't call for his firing (because of all the good he does) but i'd have no problem if he was fired. It is why big time coaches get paid so much and why so many of them look old beyond their years because of the stress of the job and the total responsibility for the football program. There's just no excuse for the situation and someone should pay, sadly only that kid and his family will pay, for a PRACTICE. Oh, and ND is denying the local sheriff's office from investigating saying it was on campus and their private security had jurisdiction over the "accident", real classy! Someone in South Bend (like the president or board of directors or whomever is head of the school) should step in and stop this snowball of bad decision on top of bad decision. Sad, for a frickin football practice...

Week 9 picks

Probably not going to win without a miracle comeback, so my picks will be more 'hedged' than normal. Here goes nothing....

10 pts - Sparty wins, need Iowa to pull upset to give bucks any chance at sharing bigten championship.

9 pts - Oregon wins, i'm starting to lean toward wanting all the bcs schools to lose and see Boise v tcu title game to blowup the bcs and get a playoff in college football.

8 pts - FSU wins, ? on this just a guess, no reasoning.

7 pts - Mizzu wins, Now the big dog in the Big 12 how will they handle it? We shall see.

6 pts - K st wins, just for Ian and softbutter fans everywhere.

5 pts - WV wins, man I just have no passion for any of these games.

4 pts - Fla wins, the greatest cocktail party in the world needs extra drinks to make this game exciting this year. Can anyone seeing Urban losing 4 in a row?

3 pts - Cal wins, want to make this higher based on how they have played recently, but not sure they can take the show on the road.

2 pts - Ttech wins, from what I hear A&M is bad bad.

1 pts - Zona wins, guess that pistol magic is over for ucla?

Sucks lacking passion and going thru the motions waiting for 'the game' as only game that still inspires major passion in me for the year. Hope bucks don't feel this way, they need to be up to run the table, not down like me. Go Bucks!!

A few things

Got back from vacation fine, will post some thoughts and pics on that later, but now some thoughts bouncing around my head. Today on Howard I heard maybe the dumbest question ever - Coach Ditka was in to be interviewed and hauk some motivational DVD and a caller asked (in quite a southern accent) if he thought the HANS device (? on spelling and is a device warn in nascar that attach's to helmet and seat to make the head immobile or almost immobile in a crash) could help the concusion problem in the NFL? How is this supposed to help? What would it attach to? Why am I even trying to think of logical questions for this morons question? Does his sister still do special things for him now that they are married? Ok, that was cheap, but that was an imbred question if I ever heard one! Next, heard the browns victory over the saints this weedend (and i haven't fact check this but i'm going with it) is the 3rd year in a row the browns have defeated the defending Superberry Champions! Wow, now on offense and special teams we used smoke and mirrors to get things done and for defense we played well, made some plays and we have a genious defensive coordinator. Note to other def cord's, Drew is a midget (as i've been saying for years) go with the only 1 down lineman defense and you'll easily confuse him and/or block his vision from seeing the receivers! Sadly the browns are showing some heart again after its probably to late to make a serious run at the playoff's and instead will just win enough to damage their draft position. Oh well it is way better than they have been. Looking forward to getting a haircut sunday after the haloween party (i'm going as fat eddie fedder!). I think, hope, am going to try and encourage my nephew to be a rock god! He shows a natural ability and love for guitar and drums and a keen eye for the ladies.... so he's well on his way! Going to try and give up pop (by far my biggest vice in my life) with my wife. Today is the day and i'm dragging bigtime. Some dude yoked a hole-in-one to win a golf tournament in sudden death, thats a pretty good shot! My sister-in-law suggested yesterday that Callie and I could have triplet girls and i've been thinking about that alot today and realized that there is a distinct difference between the words have and keep! Fifty cent can make a billion dollars off it, but vitamin water sucks dick! Man do I want a pepsi! or coke, sprite, dr pepper, hell I'd drink flat Big K and it's only been 1 day! Anyone else looking forward to next wednesday (no mas political adds)? Hmmm, well guess that's all for now. Hope all my peeps are having a good day.

Wk 8 picks - vegas baby!!

So this will be short and thankfully no rant on the fallen other than to say he might not have lost that game for us, but he didn't win it and greatness wins a game like that despite the odds. So look for another year after this of being at the base of the summit knowing we can't scale that last 100 ft and stand at the top of the world. Ehh, I said all I really cared about was getting to 9-1 and I meant it, Go Bucks!!

Reason this is short and I can let go is - I'm in Vegas baby!! Belated honeymoon for Callie and I, also her best friend is out here celebrating being newlyweds with her husband and family. Having a blast in our second trip to Vegas, the Monte Carlo is very nice (better than luxor fo sho) and one day we will get to the Bellagio!!

On to the picks, man did we all suck last week- high was 29 out 55- well when all top teams go almost potty trained 2 yr old and shyte themselves the first time you try no diaper that will happen.

10 - Sparty wins, we don't play them, so win out and fighting dantonio's have a bigten championship. Wow, and it almost killed him to get there, maybe he'll smile if they do, maybe!

9 - Bucks win, we better and we owe them for last year, usually tress will go non sweatervest and lay the hammer, if we have soul at all look for this to get ugly.

8 - ND wins, sorry my second fav team navy, no upset this year. Bill should be happy Coach looks like he can see that corner and is flooring it to turn golden domers back into a power. Just in time for contract renegotiation, hey NBC bend over her it comes!!

7 - Neb wins, another team that should have some good anger to release and hopefully (for my picks) will!

6 - Utah wins, who cares

5 - Iowa wins, anyone who thinks badgers are good cause of Saturday is delusional. Ok I can't resist, let me say why I love being a buckeye fan! I love having everyone take their best shot and I will gladly put up with the heart break of a Saturday night over being the pathetic inferior little guy who has to get so excited over pulling the upset because they never really ever will be in contention for the big prize, I don't like Florida or SC, but I respect them more than second class fucking losers like wisconsin, purdue, oregon st, oregon, vanderbilt, etc etc I'm a big dog, not a blue field lover, I love America and the capitalist spirit of the big guy, so all the commie's can enjoy the Boise St vs TCU or Oregon National Championship game if it happens - I'll be watching a movie with my wife. You know what neb joining the bigten means, its now the big 4 and the little 8. OSU is, Mich will be again, Neb is and Penn st will be again after JoePa kicks or retires the rest are just playing to get that one special night, we play for a special season every year. The world needs ditch diggers too and they go to Wisconsin or Purdue or Indiana etc etc. Damn that felt good!

4 - Miami wins, only because it's at home and NC only has about like 50 guys still on scholarship!

3 - Aub wins, wow guess there is a special black quarterback who can do it all and where's number 2, sadly he is in Alabama. War Eagle. Maybe you can win out and Oklahoma can win out and we will get a semi watchable Nat Champ game?

2 - Mizzu wins, but we won't cause mizzu is primed for an upset, I think or at least this is where I try to do some crazy picks and make up some points, if I go 10 for 10 this week I definitely will with these picks.

1 - Air Force wins, come on bolts carry the flag for the Academies and pull the upset, "you can do it!!"

Damn that was my shot at being short and concise! lol! back to helping keep the lights on in Vegas!! I did win the MNF bet last night, to bad I lost the over bet!

Day 73/74

Didn't do shyte friday, went and saw jackass. Walked about 6 miles this morning giving me 10 on the week, not bad considering i've been sick most of the week. Going to try and do some wii or play outside with my nephew at my parents before the game to make up for the 2 miles short i am. Go Bucks!!

Day 71/72

Did a mile the past 2 days at lunch, so up to 4 miles on the week. Only 8 more to do, night game saturday leaves a lot of time to kill saturday during the day, so should be good. Go Bucks!!

Some questions and answers.

On my wife’s blog she answered some questions and then made some new ones and asks others to answer them (not me) and out of boredom and narcissism I decided to try the questions.

1. What is your favorite blog post of your own and why? Oooooooo, talk about narcissistic, what do I like the most of the things I’ve said because I think my words are so profound to begin with? Hmmm, I’d say I like the football rants because that was the impetuous for doing the blog and allows me to vent frustrations.

2. What is your favorite hobby and why? Would blogging be a hobby? Ehh, that’s new, I guess my favorite life long hobby is sports. Writing about, playing, watching or anything sport related has provided me with lots of entertainment.

3. How does my family feel about my blogging? Those that read it I think like it, but if they don’t they can do like 99.99999999999999999 % of the world and not read it! If I could get that number down to like 99.77777777777777 %, I’d be richer than shyte!

4. Where do you work? At a medical billing company, did you fall asleep? Sorry. I didn’t ask the questions, just answering them.

5. Favorite quote of all time? This is like favorite song or movie; it changes all the time. For today I’d say Freddie Mercury “They can say what they want, but we aren’t too bad for 4 ageing Queens!”

6. Favorite subject in high school and why? Serious answer, Math because I was good at it and it came easy to me (until Calc); not serious answer is class with ADHD teachers. I actually won 5 dollars off a kid betting him I could get a test postponed till the next day. I asked 2 questions that led to a discussion that took the whole class and the teacher said oh no, more time to study, we will take the test Monday!

7. Where did you come up with name of my blog? Wow, what a question. Well anyone that knows Freud can tell you he had a lot of sex issues/beliefs etc etc etc. And to me one of the funniest things to hear someone say in anger is go F yourself or suck my bleep, so in a play on words it just came to me, gofreudmyblog. I mean really a blog is a good way to say here is what I’m thinking about (weather its serious/fun/stupid/silly/informative…)
So I guess I’m saying read this and try and figure me out while I at laugh at your face, because if you try and make too much sense of my ramblings your face will contort into a veiny brain freeze type of bitter beer face mush! Here is a hint: I’m nuts and full of shyte 75% of the time and the other 25% I’m asleep.

8. My dream home? Right now, any and soon! (Neighbors suck!) But if I had the option, a big ranch with a giant basement with 4 big screen TVs and giant comfy leather couches to watch football with all my family and friends. And (my wife knows where I’m headed)……………… a big giant frickin MOAT with a drawbridge and real crocodiles and snakes to eat whomever tried to get on my land and would surely fall into my awesome MOAT. Ok, and probably with a Ferrari only garage and sweet stone pillars with protective Gargoyles!

There should be a 9th question that asks how the hell did you find someone to marry you, but I’d have no answer other than dumb luck.

That was fun, anything else people would like to know, just ask and I will give you an answer ASAP.

Wk 7 picks

So week 6 picks went well for all? About half way thru season and teams are scitzo as ever, bucks are a passing team – pray for good weather games. Our defense is pretty good (especially losing 2 starting db’s). Typically the middle of the season (and no change this year) is where I get nervous solely because I don’t know what really to expect. I could see the bucks winning all the rest of their games (and comfortably) or them losing 2 or 3 thus being a bust/disappointment. Most likely (like yrs past) they will falter one time and have a good season, but not quite compete for the national title. First and most important, beat the fighting richrod’s and all else is bonus for me. If we do go undefeated it will definitely be on the arm and legs of 2, thus making him a very serious Heisman contender (something I didn’t really think could/would happen). Let’s delve into week 7 and see how much damage I can cause!

10 pts – Nevada wins, oh they will crush Hawaii! Haven’t you heard, they and Boise St are going to clash for the play in to the BCS title game from that power conference that is the WAC! It’s like Goliath vs. Goliath; I quake in fear from the mighty mighty WAC. Want to know why people like me hate the Boise St Hype, Indiana would finish 3rd in the WAC and we saw how bad they are last week. What a joke?!

9 pts – Neb wins, they good – like richrod’s team, but with a defense! Now that’s Scary. There’s gonna be a Bo back in the Bigten that scares people next year, but it will be from Cornland, ironically he is also a buckeye.

8 pts – S Car wins, can the ole ball coach get the boys to focus after the big upset (first ever over a number 1 team, stop selling history of SEC football, u can’t count history that started in the 90’s. aside from bama, no long real history of greatness in SEC prior to the 90’s) yes he can, it’s Kentucky and they not good.

7 pts – K st wins, I think Ian paid Munish to pick this game cause he loves kst, this is a who cares game, I really think it should be my 10 pt game, but can’t put a team that could get distracted by soft butter as my 10 pt win.

6 pts – Pitt wins, again should be higher, but picking the stach this high is nerve racking enough, come on pitt, it’s the Cuse(and not in bball).

5 pts – Iowa wins, if this was in Iowa it’d be my 10 pt game, but richrod has a QB, WR, and a nose tackle. The rest of the team is still painful, but at home that is enough to be scary and Iowa can be turnover prone sometimes. Truly think Iowa’s def line will bring the pain, but ?

4 pts – Or st wins, all I have to say is I’m holding back a great Husky Beaver joke here.

3 pts – Bucks win, I think we will play well and get by, it’s a tough one, but I think we have what it takes, we will see. Go Bucks!!

2 pts – SC wins, going with home team here in a coin flip. So happy they suck ahhahahaha.

1 pt – Ark wins, man going with the road team in SEC is stupid, but what’s new for me?


There you have it, oh yeah; I’m like 30 pts out of first so forget a grain of salt. Take my picks with a whole bag of salt! Go Bucks!!

Day 70

Did a mile yesterday at lunch, going to do another mile today at lunch. Feel like poo today, hope i'm not getting sick. Oh well, I will power thru. Bucks don't play till sat night, so will leave lots of time to kill sat during the day (long walk).

Day 68/69

No walking yesterday, will get some in today. Probably another chopped up week, but will get it in, big game this saturday (also and more importantly my first anniv). Lucky my wife is understanding and we are celebrating a lot next week so she's fine with spending sat night rooting on the bucks. Going to try to show picture from where we sat for the game this past weekend, great seats courtesy of front runner for bro-in-law of the year!



Thanks again Bill!! So, I have to fly later this week and i'm not a big fan of flying (i'm a control freak who loves to drive and see our great land with four wheels under me, not as i'm hurling across it in a giant beer can at 400 mph) so let me say what a great year it has been and if I don't get a captain Sully and something goes wrong thanks for the following! Got married to a wonderful woman who puts up with my stupidity, saw 2 OSU football games, a browns game (they actually won), 2 nascar races (dega baby!!), 3rd PJ concert, got a great dog, great nephew whom i'm turning into a defensive lineman, as always awesome parents.... all in all a pretty awesome year. Seriously, I should not be tempting fate by flying! Ehh, i'm a sissy - people fly everyday (even if it is against god's will!! he would have gave us wings if he wanted us to fly right?). Go Bucks!!

Day 66/67

Walked a mile at lunch and after work yesterday, then 3 plus this morning. Going to the game today (free tixs!!) so will walk a mile or 2 more going to stadium. Getting my 12 miles in for the week! Go Bucks!!!!

".... and no religion too"

Tomorrow, Saturday October 9th 2010 would have been John Lennon's 70th bday. Hard to believe its coming up on 30 yrs since he was murdered (I wasn't even 2 yrs old yet) and even harder to wonder what music we've missed. What would he say about Islamic extremism and the Christian coalition? Long hair, beard, and preaching peace and understanding and some people thought he was an evil demon because he bashed organized religion - talk about ironic. They couldn't understand it wasn't the message, but the delivery that was/is wrong. Imagine album will be spinning on my ipod tomorrow morning and then maybe a little white album. 70, wow, he might have looked like Santa, well a skinny smoking Santa?

Day 64/65

Walked almost 5 miles yesterday, not going to get any walking done tonigh (30th bday dinner for friend), so will have to get in 7 more friday night and saturday morning. Will get done. Go Bucks!!!

Day 61/62/63 aka no whining

Man if it was as easy to keep goals as to make excuses i'd be F-ing prez by now. Anyway, I haven't done shit mon or tue, excuses like working overtime, doing laundry, blah blah blah. If I don't walk 12 miles between now and sat noon, anything that goes wrong at buckeye game is my fault. Guess I better get my pathetic lard ass moving. Have plans to try, want to get 4-5 miles in tonight, see if I can stay excuse free for a few days. Wonder what Tress would say if he knew fate of his season lie at the feat of a crazy fat man from Dublin? :-) I'd guess he say, can't even go to the grocery store without these kooks harassing me the whole time i'm trying to buy my sugar smacks! Coach looks like a sugar smacks guy, anyway I saw him at the store once in like 2004 and (i'm so proud of this) I left him completely alone, didn't follow him, ask for a photograph, stare inappropriately or even hug him and sob on his shoulder saying thank you for breaking the curse untill security came and seperated us (what I really wanted to do). If we have a daughter she is going to be so mad at her first name - Tressella. For those of you wondering how I talked Callie into this name, I haven't, just figured i'll fill out that name stuff while she is still out on the drugs! I'm gonna get a dirty look for that one, oh well. Go Bucks!!

wk 6 picks

This will be long……….. First, to you devil worshipers at the top of the picks whom are averaging almost 50 pts a week – I’m impressed – you soulless robots!! Second F U Mark Richt, how do you have all that talent and loooooose to Colorado? Oh, I remember you’re a bum loser, well at least you have 13 players on defense coming to town this week – even you should be able to win that game. Third, does anybody have magic healing power for TP’s quad muscle? I may have punched myself in the head at my mother in-laws house Saturday, thanks bucks (I think she still likes me, but she’s a saint so I’m just lucky). Are our db’s getting treated at the Cleveland Clinic? Seriously they are dropping like Boise St in the polls!! (soooo happy that Oregon jumped them hehehehehe) Forth, did ya see LeMichael James or Trent Richardson or D. Robinson; I wouldn’t even put the defending heisman winner as the favorite on his own team. I have him 4th behind the above mentioned and 49 yds rushing vs. Florida is not going to help over come missing 2 games of the season. I didn’t fact check this, but only 2 guys before Denard had more than 1 game with 200 yds passing and running and he’s done it in all 5 games this season?! Hey richrod, either you're dumber than some think for not playing this kid last year (because of the Force) or you had the greatest off season QB camp in the history of football. Dude is siiicccckkkk, my only relief is your defense is still bad bad (no seriously its bad, like finding out your dad does gay porn bad… aka going to the golden gate bridge with my jumping shoes on bad). If the Hoosiers had stopped pointing a gun at their own foot and pulling the trigger they could have scored 2-3 more touchdowns in that game. Finally, I’m one of the most ardent Tressel defenders and I will defend his right to win as boring as he can as long as we keep winning and ‘most especially’ against t.u.n.: but if TP goes Cleveland clinic too, then please please please no midget Bauserman. If we told people we were not going to throw the ball and just run the zone read option with Kenny Guiton we’d have more success than if the other teams agreed to only play 10 defenders against Bauserman. Hopefully it won’t matter and TP will get some trainer girl to go Mr. Miagi on his quad. Now on to my picks so ya’ll can laugh at my wrongness for another week. Clearly by my ramblings and nonsense I have mental issues and should get 3 bonus points for not picking the wrong games. Some times I’m so out of it I actually understand the lade’s texts!



10 pts – Bucks wins, should see if our defense can hold down the Hoosiers better than the 3-3-5 did last week and hopefully get our (no Pryor) running game going a little stronger.

9 pts – Stan wins, um they played a very very good duck team on the road well and should give a nice beat down on the Trojans. Hey SC fan listen real close, you hear that? Its come upins biotch!!

8 pts – Uga wins, ok seriously this is why I’m nuts cause I know Richt will F me like he has before, so why have him so high? The other games are more of a toss up and even he can’t F this one up, can he? Tennessee is still learning to shower properly and that you only play with 11 at a time.

7 pts – Mich wins, seriously sparty is due to choke, they are a run dominant team and mich defense struggles verse pass, dline is actually kinda good. Plus richrod can save his job winning this and with the domer win, without beating the bucks. I’m going to call this score 49 – 34.

6 pts – Wash wins, ok I had 5 home winners and 5 road winners so I decided to do 5 home winners 10 thru 6 and 5 road winners 5 thru 1 and UW is least confident pick of the home winners, so hope good Locker shows up and not hurt Locker! (movie pun, I rule)

5 pts – Baylor wins, Baylor qb good good good and tech should have kept crazy man and let him put as many players in closets as he wanted to.

4 pts – UCLA wins, um might there be a reason to watch bruin football and not just bruin sidelines? Could be and in the both can’t be good at same time theory, maybe bruin on way up and Trojans on way down. We all know when the Trojans are on the way down then all the fun is over!

3 pts – SDSU wins, the fighting Mormons always tough to beat at home, but think SDSU is Marshall Faulk good again.

2 pts – Or st wins, honestly if or st wins good for my points if they lose bad for Boise st strength of schedule. I say go whomever players Or st or Va tech.

1 pt – Free shoes wins, think a lot of people might take Miami here so hoping all but me do and I’m right and make up some points and if I’m wrong it doesn’t hurt to much. Keep this in mind, Seminoles lead nation in sacks (by a lot) and we know how well Harris handles pressure, by throwing lots of INT’s.

Well there you have it, I think my leg hurts, could that be sympathy pain? Please Terrelle, have magic healing powers, sweating out your “are you kidding me he just threw that pass” moments is a million times better than having the reincarnate version of Joe C (little rapper dude that used to perform with kid rock) play qb. If it comes down to the bad scenario I’m sending Coach every Kenny G album I can find! Go Bucks!!

Day 57/58/59/60

What a great, long, tured weekend. Friday headup to wife's hometown to visit the family, kinda of chilled out (with some yummy lasagna!!). Saturday got up in moring walked about 1hr or 3mi, then watched bucks in the calm/quiet/mature way that i'm known for!!! Then went to bdub's to watch evening games with bro-inlaw and his buddy from NY. Sunday the 3 of us went to Browns v bungals game, had lots of beer and free string cheese (they were giving it away outside the stadium) and lots of woofing! Some how, it didn't rain and wasn't to cold and the browns won, i know unbelievable but true!! Lots of walking searching for a clean bathroom outside stadium, not sure how much but i'm sure I was covered on my 2 miles for the day. Could use a vacation to recover from my weekend, that good of a weekend. Well, back to the grind. Go Bucks!!