Wk 11 cfb picks

Maybe the dumbest thing in long time is the college playoff committee putting out weekly polls before the final poll. I mean it is clearly only being done, as most things, as a whore publicity stunt for espn and all other media outlets to have something to drive hype and talk about. I mean ND over undefeated teams in major conferences and Iowa in the 5^th spot? Hahahahahahaah But they got the conferences to go along for most part with scheduling and the last 3 weeks of the regular season are likely to be crazy and full of ups and downs.

For my team it is very straight forward but difficult, win and your in, no style points this season, just take care of business each week and try and survive a gauntlet of tough games/teams.

So here goes nothing, this weeks games seem very upset possible or all chalk, hard to say, could be very good or very bad.

10 pts, Bama wins – I don’t know how they loss to ole miss, but this bama team is every bit as good as last years team and if anyone wants a reminder of how bad ass Zeke’s championship run was last year, well just as Leonard Fournette how last week went.

9 pts, UCLA wins – this is one seems like a no brainer, hope I’m not missing an injury or something, not sure why point spread is as close as it is? Strange, probably be a mistake having this so high.

8 pts, OSU wins – well they spread is low in a way that indicates vegas is trying to drive betting and knows something, makes me nervous. Also makes me nervous going to the wind tunnel of a high school stadium. Hope JT magic is strong in his return and Bucks aren’t looking past the illini to the final battle against those smells emitting from up north.

7 pts,  Houston wins – man I saw coach Tom got a little salty this week about his boys being not respected in poles and I hope that is him trying to get edge for his team in their biggest game this week. It makes me a little nervous that they will lay an egg, but I hope not and they are by far a better team. Sadly they won’t gain much of an advantage being at home and thus why Texas should swoop in and snag coach Tom and get back to being a national power.

6 pts, Utah wins - don’t you richrod me richrod! You suck, but this isn’t a rivalry game, so you could pull the upset, please don’t. Pretend they are the Utah Sun Devils/Buckeye’s/Panthers and lay down like the rivalry losing little bitch you are!!

5 pts, Duke wins – I mean both these teams just got cosby’d by NC, thinking Duke heals more at home with a win.

4 pts, WV wins – Had this at 6 pt game, but dropped a bit as WV has lost like 4 or 5 in a row and Charlie is trying to hang on to his job with a ‘Strong’ finish. Thank You Thank you, remember to tip your waiters and the 9:30 show is non-smoking!!

3 pts, GaTech wins – I I I … uh, yeah I got nothing, there is literally nothing, funny, exciting or interesting about this game at all.

2 pts, Auburn wins – Putting this low, because this is a game that means nothing but SEC delusional fans that think it’s so hard to win on the road in conference (it’s not as hard as they make it out) will let Mark Cooper off the hook again for under achieving with a meaningless ‘big’ road win.

1 pt, Okla wins – Had Baylor low and then heard a stat that made me change mind and take chance on Oklahoma pulling upset on the road, only team other than bama in top 15 rankings of both offense and defense is Oklahoma. Furthermore, if they run the table (beating TCU, Ok ST and Baylor) they can win conference out right and with some breaks actually be back in the playoff possibilities. Now I don’t think that will happen and frankly think Stoopes is just a step above the John Richt’s of cfb, but if some how they do – what a statement about how true rivalry games you can throw record out the window. Really how was Tejas within 40 pts of boomer sooner is amazing. But that is why they play the games.

Okie dokie, damn seasons always fly by so fast, we are 17 days from The Game!! Go Bucks!!

wk 10 cfb

So coming off the bye week for the bucks did anything important happen? Hem, Hem, jebus our qb gotta a little Mohler’d up and drove, more coaches quit or retired or something and Harbum said something crazy that I have to admit I 100% agree with and frankly if you don’t think a daily steak is a good vitamin – well me and khaki boy tell you to go blow!! Oh, Jerry, one quick thing – um yeah maybe, just maybe you should return the clock management notebook to the interim head coach! I mean I know that Hellen-Keller the new line judge probably should have called off sides on that qb sneak and given you another shot at winning, but if you hadn’t shit the bed on the will they/won’t they restart the clock after a 15min review then it wouldn’t have mattered. But on the bright side, that missed offside call was text book zebra mode compared to the clown show in Miami last week.

Ok, this weeks picks are from Ian, which means I’ll probably go 2-8 as karmic payback for the texts slack and I share about his Dickusness. Ehh, here goes nothing…

10 pt, Baylor wins – Like really Ian fucking I know K state and the crypt keeper are your 2^nd favorite team, but why? Does he run a group plane to Thailand for a little Jarroding of full Asian girls? Guess that explains why he only allows soft butter! 5, 5, 5  dollar prison rapes!!

9 pt, ND wins – Crazy scenario I don’t want to happen obviously, but lets say Clemson goes undefeated (1seed), TCU or Baylor goes undefeated (3seed), LSU goes undefeated (2seed) and then somehow Iowa goes undefeated (cause they play nobody in the regular season worth a damn and then gets the weakened survivor of sparty/tun/bucks triad war). Does Iowa get the 4 seed if the Catholics only loss is on the road to Clemson in a very close competitive game?

8 pt, Memphis wins – a can we get in it from the small schools show down setting up between ‘hey least your not in Arkansas yet’ tigers and the fighting tom hermans next week? Me thinks so…

7 pt, Houston wins – see above, go fighting tom hermans, jebus I have dreams of the day that slack be grousing over a el prez/herman on tv winning big selfie!!

6 pt, Clemson wins – sorry Dabo or whatever your shit white trash name is, but if you don’t win out and give yourself a shot in the playoff’s this year then you can eat it cause it will officially be changed from Munsoning to Clemsoning!! Oh yeah bucks were 16^th with one early loss last year when first polls came out and free shoes is in that position this year, so don’t count them out yet.

5 pt, TCU wins – look here Big 12/10/8/6/10… Baylor QB has manning neck and okla lost to texas somehow, so all your eggs for the playoffs are in the hornfrog basket. Good luck with that…

4 pt, Bama wins – there once was a glistening capped tooth midget feared in the south and just because it’s been like 5 seconds since he won it all shouldn’t mean that everyone just writes him off. Look, I’ll say it – LSU has looked pretty amazing for a team without a good qb, but can you really go into Tuscapontiac, Alabuick and win all one dimensional on offense? I don’t think so, but if they do it’ll be the Heisman wrap up for Chocolate City Fourdette!!

3 pt, NC wins – Can Duke go back to sucking major monkey dick in football, I don’t know how to pick their games, yes I’m bitter I lost 2 points off my lead to my brother because of they play. But fuck Duke, it’s called a squib kick, maybe you’ve heard of it?

2 pt, Penn St wins – I don’t know if clemsoning is officially a thing, but Nwesterning sure the hell is and it has got to have a lot of Stanford fans asking how the hell they lost to that team.

1 pt, Miss St wins – where ranked teams go to die and yet I’ve picked both road ranked teams on Thursday night to win, I figured out my brain damaged problem – they say a beer a day is good for you, but they probably don’t mean drink your 365 yearly beers on 6 -10 days during the year. I’m not good with moderation!!

You see me? That’s me over there just trying to hang on and waiting for my fingers to slip…

wk 9 cfb

That week when you get to pick the games cause el prez be coming home, that’s the week you probably go 2-8 and loose your shit. Oh well, you can’t win what you don’t bet, here goes nothing…

10 pt, Mich wins – ok normally I’d do my harbum thing, but fuck that presser today from Jerry got me taking a serious moment here. I mean that guy’s heart is wrapped in pigskin and he’s just lost, wanted to give him a hug or something. But when he said his mom asked him if he was ok with decision and he just said “no”, well fuck my sappy emotional ass I’d have to put on Field of Dreams to cry like that – “Dad, wanna have a catch?” Ok, I’m gonna take 5 min and then get back to the jokes after I call me pops.

9 pt, TCU wins – This is type of game that can really screw me, but now that Baylor’s qb went all Peyton neck for the season, TCU is sitting pretty good to take care of business, we shall see if they do…

8 pt, Houston wins – Seriously I will keep saying it till someone does it or he shits the bed and comes back to earth, but HOW AND THE FUCK HAS TEXAS OR HELL USC/MIAMI/ETC ETC NOT HIRED THIS GUY LIKE YESTERDAY? (I mean we need to get him at a school that is big time, so el prez can take selfies with him and send them to the veep thus annoying him endlessly)

7 pt, USC wins – That Trojan team that whopped the utes last week is the one some had as a sleeper to win it all and will likely be in the holiday bowl instead.

6 pt, Ole Miss wins – They lost to Memphis after losing their best defensive player in first half, if he plays rest of the season and they win out he ought be number 1 pick in draft – no questions asked.

5 pt, ND wins – ok seriously too often jackass creeps with lots of money and/or power never get brought to justice for what they do and likely Mr. It takes the drink with the pillz so I can give her my pudding pop is in that same boat with his apparently decades long rape habits. So the only solace we can get is that his beloved owls are finally on the national college football scene and ain’t no way espn gonna let him within 100 court ordered feet of the gameday set! As for the game, well it’s been nice Temple, but come on, you're playing the og’s of sexual assault cover up, so lets just move you to some Alaskan parish where nobody will hear your screams! Don’t you just love religion? I joked when ND was bad that touchdown jesus was fg jesus, but that sad truth is it really stands for please help jesus.

4 pt, Tenn wins – I really wanted to put this higher in my confidence cause I truly feel the vols are close to being back or at least on the right track and damn if they aren’t a few plays from being undefeated, but sadly this is type of game where all that so close against the big boys/wait till next year talk can turn into oh no they are still awful and that is how bad programs stay bad talk with a road choke to a team they are clearly better than.

3 pt, Duke wins – Come on Duke don’t let the fighting Munish’s go all ‘win one for the little drummer boy’. I mean the canes just suck and I think the administration is a little gun shy to hire a coach that will win the only way that school has or ever will win – by cheating cheating cheating.

2 pt, Pitt wins – what dumb fuck picked these games? I mean fuck me who cares about these teams, this game, fuck. And to boot, I’m picking both the ranked teams in the two Thursday night games to win, breaking my own fucking rule “thurs night, where ranked teams go to die”. I’m just stupid and asking for punishment.

1 pt, Fla wins – the largest outdoor bitch fest in the world. Boo hoo, we aren’t smart enough to fire the Cooper of the SEC, oh yeah well Boo hoo our qb got caught taking she-hulk pills. Anyone that has this game anywhere but the 1pt slot is sniffing glue cause you can never tell what will happen in this battle of the trailer park family fued game.

Okie dokie, enjoy the buckeye bye week, I surely will, and then it’s on to November where legends are made!!

wk 8 cfb

Wk 8 already eh? I’ve been sitting here for about 5 minutes just kind of stuck. Writers block is rarely if ever an issue for me, good writing block happens all the time, but to just not have anything snarky, olie stone paranoid, angry or down right teen angst-ish to say is remarkably rare for me.

I guess I could go on and on about how I’m so puckered about the last game of the season I’m making a million dollar diamond in my shorts right now, but got to save that for thanksgiving.

I could get all lathered up in some Kirk Ferentz hate, but I’d like to be in my 40’s before I have my first heart attack (hey look at me being optimistic and saying first not only).

Hmmm, well lets just say last week was a great lineup of games and this weeks games, well they ‘chrome the knob’ if ya catch my drift.

Here goes nothing…

10 pt, Okla wins – Stoopes, I swear to jebus you better not pull no red river shootout bs at home against the fighting David Koresh’s!!

9 pt, OSU wins – All I can say in the wake of all the middle age hard-on’s walking around JT jerking their happiness is – be careful what you wish for… Now I love JT, I just also love Cardale and do I think Cardale is playing great or the offense is good right now – NO! But, I believe Cardale is the more talented player and whatever is wrong isn’t only him. Now I hope this change is the key that flips the switch and takes us to 50+ every game land, but I know this – come those last two games and if we are lucky enough to take care of business, the playoffs, you gonna need to throw the rock effectively. We shall see, I mean first start of the season in mob-land, with a double digit spread – what could go wrong?

8 pt, Clemson wins – Dammit Yahoo Sweney or whatever in the name of Les Miles your crazy ass name is – I hate your school because of something that happened when I was less than a month old/mental illness, but seriously if you don’t find a way to win out and make the playoff’s this year then ‘clemonsoning’ is a real thing.

7 pt, Utah wins – FIRST TIME EVER A TOP 3 TEAM HAS BEEN UNDERDOG TO AN UNRANKED TEAM. Vegas don’t do crazy so this means they have no action at all on fighting betty ford’s now and are trying to create something or they know something we don’t. All I know is they scored more (save the punt) than any other team has/had this season on the D up north. That ain’t no joke.

6 pt, L’ville wins – purely on pt spread and home field, so likely to fuck me! Recruiting trips gonna be lame now.

5 pt, Wisky wins – got nothing

4 pt, Texas wins – Soft butter grim reaper and Charlie Strong pregame photo will look like a Owner/Slave Halloween costume winner picture!!

3 pt, UCLA wins – any other week this would be my 1 pt game, but this week is so shitty there are 2 other games that have me scratching my head even more that this game. Got to hope some home cooking helps the frosh qb and the gimp defense get some grove back.

2 pt, ECU wins – Going with the Thursday nights is where ranked teams go to die theory on this and next game and taking home teams to pull the minor upsets.

1 pt, Utah St wins – unless we start doing our 10 picks for best ever Playboy college skanks editions, SDSU should NEVER  be in our picks – EVER!! Ok, well maybe in a shit week like this weeks schedule, but still.

Hey El Prez, and yes I’m bias here, but how bout we tell people no picks this week and make this a bye week? Rest up, recoup and get back to the hard work next week with some big time match ups?

Didn’t think so. 

wk 7 cfb picks

I almost wrote this yesterday after a pretty awful day and decided not to and that was probably for the best, well for the best that I didn’t say anything awful about someone that wishes things never changed or well that everyone acted like things never changed when it’s convenient for him, but I digress (aka will avoid that rant for my blood-pressure).

How is somebody supposed to even get to his picks done on a football week like this, first if you hire a guy that apparently enough people knew was a drunk, how can you fire him for being a drunk? Well, really you just kind of told everyone he was fired while he’s at Betty Ford (is there a Billy Carter rehab, gotta be more fun, right?) and hope that he’s sober enough to handle the news he’s never gonna be a major college head coach again –ever!! Then ole’ ball coach retired, er resigned, er said shit I suck guys and don’t want to put in the work to get better and he got a standing O from the press for it – what? Hell, I thought Charlie Strong would eventually get carried off the field at tejas, but I thought it would be a bad thing and possibly start a race riot!

Ok, here we go…

10 pt, LSU wins – Well this was my 5 pt win before fla lost their starting qb to Bond’s-pop’s and one of their starting db’s because he fired a shotgun in his pregnant girlfriends direction. I mean I played a lot of rock music when Callie was pregnant, so maybe this guy just wanted to give his future kid the sounds of his upbringing? Anyway, lsu should be favorite and win at home anyway, but now if they don’t well it’d be two weeks in a row of losing my 10 pt game inexplicably.

9 pt, OSU wins – I told my boss (who is like most buckeye fans it seems searching for the mystical answer to what is wrong) look, I’m not worried about anything but those last two games vs melting face and fighting make’s Mansion look sane!! Why? Can we not lose to pedi st? No, off course we could, we could turn the ball over and play like shit and lose, but guess what if we do then it probably won’t be our only loss and we’d have no shot at a repeat so it doesn’t matter. Oh and for what is wrong, well we don’t win every game 59-0 and sometimes 20yr old kids aren’t perfect!

8 pt, Mich wins – I will admit in years past (and I’m trying, successfully so far, to not do this anymore) that I very often would put that team up north high in my picks to win knowing full well they weren’t the better team and likely would not win just because I so badly wanted them to lose as they should have – then. Now, well now sadly they have a top 5 coach on par with Satan, Urban and Petey (yes I know he’s in the nfl now, but still) and they are playing frankly beyond their talent. I heard an nfl scout say that a good visit to a major college program would expect to see about 6-7 guys you would want to start or have a report on. He said mich has about 6-7 but mostly on defense and to compare he said elite programs (ie ohio st and bama) have 12-15 – this years buckeye’s he said 17 or 18 depending on who you ask. So harbum is curb stomping people with half the high end talent he will have in a few years – fuck! I expect by the end of sat’s game that the bags under Mark Dantonio’s eye’s will look like the most disturbing granny porn you could ever find! Now I’ll be honest and say I’ll be happy to be wrong and 1 or 2 injuries for mich could change things drastically as they don’t have depth, but I’m calling a 26-10 win.

7 pt, Ole wins – um yeah Memphis? I guess they are ok, but really ole miss beat bama right? In bama?

6 pt, ND wins- I was tempted to make this higher, but shit maybe sc will be better without Margarita Tuesday practices?

5 pt, Bama wins – not confident enough to make this higher but not only do I think bama will win, but look for another dominant win and a statement that Satan ain’t given up on running table winning SEC champ and getting in the playoff’s with one loss.

4 pt, Standford wins – so apparently losing 3 def players for the year and having a freshman qb aren’t great for winning, but damn Bruins you sure have fit the shan lately!!

3 pt, Okla wins – How much longer you think Bob can milk the 2000 championship? I mean losing to Boise St in a bowl game is one thing, but routinely Coopering away the tampon bowl to underwhelming (can you ever just be whelmed? Name that movie) tejas teams has got to be getting old in Norman?

2 pt, Aub wins - ???????????????????????????? Favorite line of fla qb ped scandal this week was some guy saying, so when will this kid transfer to Auburn for 250k and win a national title!!!

1 pt, Iowa wins – fucking really thought N’western would play mich really close and then go on to win l1ttle west with wisky and neb both down. And now after that beat down I got to question if Stan/Duke wins were not as good as previously thought or just good timing for n’west? Really this game is likely for the l1ttle west title and well since Iowa does have the 47 time l1ttle coach of the year look for a classic b1g bore fest hard fought victory of say 16-11. Hey on the upside I’m pretty sure no 4 will win l1ttle coach of the year award easier than picking out what color pants to wear.

Well that’s it for this week, oh and my fav ole ball coach quote when asked if he heard about a fire on Auburn’s campus library when at fla ‘… it’s just a shame because only 15 of the 20 books have been colored in so far’ – Oh Steve you will be missed, but like a good catholic boy you always knew when to pull out!! Someone ought to punt on 3^rd down this week in his honor!!