how do you call off sick when your boss is God?

Dear God,

Sorry, you're wrong - I'm out!

Yours Truly,
The Pope


I don't know where he would mail the letter, but I took the time to write it for Pope B. Now I'll keep this quick (you know in case I burst into blasphemous flames) but it is insanely historic for the Pope to quit!! Like last time it happened was 600 years ago and that don't really count because there were two popes! Yes it's called the great schism (wiki it) and it is my favorite history story ever, here is the very very very short version - politics, politics, politics, one pope, two pope claimers, three pope claimers (all in different city/countries) two pope claimers, one pope claimer. Fantastic!!

How the pope is chosen...

God (yes the boss of bosses) speaks to the cardinals (well only the ones allowed to vote, apparently once a cardinal turns 80 he is too old for God to speak to him and thus no longer votes and no I'm not making this up - someone already made it up thousands of years ago) and the cardinals vote until they have a consensus (or majority, I can't remember) and then we have a pope. Now after every vote the papers are burned and if the chimney (well the pope chimney, it's a large building they must have many) burns black smoke it means no new pope yet, but if that baby shows white smoke then a pope has been elected! And every time that chimney starts to billow people (apparently with a lot of paid time off) all run to see it and celebrate (or groan in unison, which must sound awesome?!). Fantastical isn't it? Yes it is!! It's ceremony for the sake of ceremony at it's finest, the British royals must be so jealous!!

Here's to hoping the new pope is more liberal on some issues (you know like pro condoms for Africa and the 40% aids rate), yet more conservative on social media. (twitter must be a creation of the devil) If there is one thing worse than a tweet, it's a tweet about Jesus/Mohammad/Moses/Cruise et al...

Lastly, how's God gonna feel about getting this one wrong? I mean I'm far from a scholar, but he doesn't seem to handle dissident well (see Bible:Jewish Saga)(yes I've modernized the title for generation twilight, you old timers just call it the old testament). All I'm saying is somebody about to get some wrath right?!!

Ok that's all, yo slackman and el prez - whens that bus coming? We southward bound at some point!! Well hopefully not for a while more - hopefully.